「兩週一聚: 午夜前的十分鐘」之【我的蘇俄女兒】 / 「Bi-weekly Series: Ten Minutes Before Midnight 」【Where Are You My Russian Daughter?】

I am going under; my mind is clear. The tidal waves of time will soon swallow me. My life has run its course. I want to leave you with my thoughts which I hope you will see someday, long after I am gone.

歲月不留人,朝代易轉,國政翻新,我不是想指責任何人,我只是想在此作一個交代,是臨暮前对自己的一個交代,如果有一天我女兒能看到這篇,或許這也算是我对她迷茫生世的一個交代。我的蘇俄女兒,讓我在這夜蘭人靜,午夜前的十分鐘,給妳這篇留言。

Like the pebble on top of a mountain after the Champlain Sea has disappeared, or the stubborn stone that refused to march with the retreating glacier. I have chosen Canada as my final resting place.

But where are you my child, my long-lost daughter born of a Russian father and a Chinese mother?

Pick up each pebble and each stone, and it has a story to tell, only if we would listen. There is no regret, nor do I blame fate or people for losing you, my dear daughter. The history of China is full of turbulence and we are souls caught up in the midst of a storm. When I met your father, Sino-Russian relationship was at its peak. We fell in love with dreams of rebuilding China with soviet technology and the patriotism of a young Chinese girl. We were an innocent couple in love. Then the political wind changed. Our countries parted way, pulling our inter-racial family into an abyss. There was no future for a Chinese girl with Russian blood. You left with your father. I stood on the Wuhan Bridge, all alone, my eyes dried of tears.

大江東去,人生如夢,我們都像古海和冰川遺留下來,千千萬萬的小石子,每一顆都有他和她的故事。我和妳父親是在中蘇友好時期相識,我倆一腔熱血,是要用蘇聯科技,融合年青人愛國之心,建立一個強大的新國家。無夸好景不常,醞釀数年的政治和思想鬥爭風暴,終於在我們住的城市爆發,蘇聯要召回在中國工作的技術人員。中蘇關係分裂,把我們這個小康之家投入深淵地獄,妳混血兒的眼睛,又怎能逃避群众的批鬥指罵。我在武漢橋上,看着你們離去,淚水朝肚裏流,我的心碎了。

For many years, the fog of war engulfed the city; it filled the streets with shouts and slogans; it filled young patriotic hearts with anger and excitement. The fire burnt, my photos, my diaries, my dreams. I could no longer ride with the new tide. Arriving Hong Kong, then on to Canada, my body travelled, leaving my youth behind, far from the city where we once were, a family. The foreign moon shines bright, but no more brighter or dimmer than the one you and I shared many a night. You cuddle close in my arms. The cicadas and the crickets sing their songs. The sweetness of jasmine fills the night.

生逢乩世,我不想指責任何人,我只希望能尋找我失去的女兒。我曾希望總有一天,会接到您們的訊息,但群众的怒火在燃燒著,被「下放」受「勞改」的人身不由己,在那十年多的艱苦歲月,我燒毀了我擁有的相片和日記,而團聚的夢想亦慢慢地隨煙而逝。文革後我輾轉從香港移民到楓叶國,遠離妳出生的家園,在太平洋的彼岸定居,在外國的月亮之下,我懷想妳倚偎在我的胸脯中,在蟬兒和蟋蟀歌声中, 茉莉花香充滿了夏夜。

Tonight, the North Star of the Canadian sky is keeping me company. The constellation of the Chinese sky awaits me. I long for solitude and serenity. I am closing the door, the hope of ever finding my daughter.

在加拿大的寒夜中,每個家庭都在溫暖的屋內慶祝歲晚,午夜前的十分鐘,我還是不能入睡,我遙望掛在天空中與我作伴的北極星,但我知道入夢之後,我看到的將会是家鄉的滿天星斗,銀河分隔著牛郎織女,而妳就是月亮裏的玉兔。

When I sleep you will be awake. The pulse of the night slows down to a single last heartbeat. And, in my resting heart shall also rest eternal the gift of my life, my memory of you, my dear daughter.

在這暮年歲月中,我已放棄了和妳團聚的夢想, 或許,皈依我佛,相信隨緣,將会是我人生的一個大解脱,但在我閉上眼之前,我還是会想念着妳,我親愛的蘇俄女兒。

後語: 這一篇不是政治言論,除了一些被删改了的時間丶地方丶人物之外,大部份都是真人真事。

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以下網友也參加了今次兩周一聚:

周游

C9 readandeat

芸淡風輕

揚眉女子

michelle

mad dog

JO 子

Sherry

yaya

Hongkie At Large

C+

athrunz

醫書直說

audreyma

Haricot

miobb

laichungleung