Wednesday, December 31, 2008

「兩週一聚: 午夜前的十分鐘」之【我的蘇俄女兒】 / 「Bi-weekly Series: Ten Minutes Before Midnight 」【Where Are You My Russian Daughter?】

I am going under; my mind is clear. The tidal waves of time will soon swallow me. My life has run its course. I want to leave you with my thoughts which I hope you will see someday, long after I am gone.

歲月不留人,朝代易轉,國政翻新,我不是想指責任何人,我只是想在此作一個交代,是臨暮前对自己的一個交代,如果有一天我女兒能看到這篇,或許這也算是我对她迷茫生世的一個交代。我的蘇俄女兒,讓我在這夜蘭人靜,午夜前的十分鐘,給妳這篇留言。

Like the pebble on top of a mountain after the Champlain Sea has disappeared, or the stubborn stone that refused to march with the retreating glacier. I have chosen Canada as my final resting place.

But where are you my child, my long-lost daughter born of a Russian father and a Chinese mother?

Pick up each pebble and each stone, and it has a story to tell, only if we would listen. There is no regret, nor do I blame fate or people for losing you, my dear daughter. The history of China is full of turbulence and we are souls caught up in the midst of a storm. When I met your father, Sino-Russian relationship was at its peak. We fell in love with dreams of rebuilding China with soviet technology and the patriotism of a young Chinese girl. We were an innocent couple in love. Then the political wind changed. Our countries parted way, pulling our inter-racial family into an abyss. There was no future for a Chinese girl with Russian blood. You left with your father. I stood on the Wuhan Bridge, all alone, my eyes dried of tears.

大江東去,人生如夢,我們都像古海和冰川遺留下來,千千萬萬的小石子,每一顆都有他和她的故事。我和妳父親是在中蘇友好時期相識,我倆一腔熱血,是要用蘇聯科技,融合年青人愛國之心,建立一個強大的新國家。無夸好景不常,醞釀数年的政治和思想鬥爭風暴,終於在我們住的城市爆發,蘇聯要召回在中國工作的技術人員。中蘇關係分裂,把我們這個小康之家投入深淵地獄,妳混血兒的眼睛,又怎能逃避群众的批鬥指罵。我在武漢橋上,看着你們離去,淚水朝肚裏流,我的心碎了。

For many years, the fog of war engulfed the city; it filled the streets with shouts and slogans; it filled young patriotic hearts with anger and excitement. The fire burnt, my photos, my diaries, my dreams. I could no longer ride with the new tide. Arriving Hong Kong, then on to Canada, my body travelled, leaving my youth behind, far from the city where we once were, a family. The foreign moon shines bright, but no more brighter or dimmer than the one you and I shared many a night. You cuddle close in my arms. The cicadas and the crickets sing their songs. The sweetness of jasmine fills the night.

生逢乩世,我不想指責任何人,我只希望能尋找我失去的女兒。我曾希望總有一天,会接到您們的訊息,但群众的怒火在燃燒著,被「下放」受「勞改」的人身不由己,在那十年多的艱苦歲月,我燒毀了我擁有的相片和日記,而團聚的夢想亦慢慢地隨煙而逝。文革後我輾轉從香港移民到楓叶國,遠離妳出生的家園,在太平洋的彼岸定居,在外國的月亮之下,我懷想妳倚偎在我的胸脯中,在蟬兒和蟋蟀歌声中, 茉莉花香充滿了夏夜。

Tonight, the North Star of the Canadian sky is keeping me company. The constellation of the Chinese sky awaits me. I long for solitude and serenity. I am closing the door, the hope of ever finding my daughter.

在加拿大的寒夜中,每個家庭都在溫暖的屋內慶祝歲晚,午夜前的十分鐘,我還是不能入睡,我遙望掛在天空中與我作伴的北極星,但我知道入夢之後,我看到的將会是家鄉的滿天星斗,銀河分隔著牛郎織女,而妳就是月亮裏的玉兔。

When I sleep you will be awake. The pulse of the night slows down to a single last heartbeat. And, in my resting heart shall also rest eternal the gift of my life, my memory of you, my dear daughter.

在這暮年歲月中,我已放棄了和妳團聚的夢想, 或許,皈依我佛,相信隨緣,將会是我人生的一個大解脱,但在我閉上眼之前,我還是会想念着妳,我親愛的蘇俄女兒。

後語: 這一篇不是政治言論,除了一些被删改了的時間丶地方丶人物之外,大部份都是真人真事。

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

以下網友也參加了今次兩周一聚:

周游

C9 readandeat

芸淡風輕

揚眉女子

michelle

mad dog

JO 子

Sherry

yaya

Hongkie At Large

C+

athrunz

醫書直說

audreyma

Haricot

miobb

laichungleung

24 comments:

xiao zhu said...

又一個令人慼慼然的故事。

周游 said...

Haricot,
What a great piece!

the inner space said...

歷史的交響曲像洪流奔放,
小插曲往往被蓋過忽略了,
但到了夜闌人靜小心聆聽,
讓有心人能聽出鏗鏘之音。

微豆 Haricot said...

Xiao Zhu: Sorry, the story is not meant to be a "downer". I will endeavour to write a more exciting and cheerful story in the next round of 兩週一聚.

微豆 Haricot said...

周游: I am glad you enjoy the story and thanks for hosting this round.

微豆 Haricot said...

Inner Space: Well written and well said !!! Every stone has a story to tell.

athrunz said...

或者是命運吧。

在一些機緣巧合之下,往往會製造出喜劇 or 悲劇。

但,這樣的人生才有意思得多。

孜媽 said...

微豆:

新年快樂快樂再快樂!

微豆 Haricot said...

Athrunz: 據我所知,她是接受命運。但我相信大部份人都希望在喜劇中找到人生意思。

微豆 Haricot said...

孜媽: 大家都咁話!!

新鮮人 said...

讓人傷感的一篇! =(

michelle said...

祝 快樂 !!

Hyacinthus said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hyacinthus said...

戰爭殘酷,無情的又豈祗是那熱烘烘的火光,更泠的還有身軀下那顆人心;歷史的包袱實在太沉重,不是說放下便放下,謝謝抹去時間背景,讓此篇著眼於母親對女兒的思念掛記,不至於太沉重 =)

"在蟬兒和蟋蟀歌声中, 茉莉花香充滿了夏夜"
另,用詞遣字很是細心,我真聯想到仲夏夜三四十年的中國傳統社會, 一讚!這幾句尢令我想起"城南舊事"這片子,記很小時看過,故事當不盡同但意景卻也相近~

yaya said...

太傷感了...等妳下次的快樂題材!

微豆 Haricot said...

新鮮人: 对,那是很傷感的一個故事!! 我看過這位女仕寫的一首詩,她的文字秀麗,語文中表現出她对這一段崎嶇生命的看法,但因私隱原因,不能將她的寫作在此登貼。

微豆 Haricot said...

Michelle: Toi aussi :)

laichungleung said...

Only a few men make history, the rest of us are just mere products of our time.

微豆 Haricot said...

Hyacinthus:

您說得对,我寫這故事的時候,是儘量少摻入政治意見。

謝謝,有机会我会試找【城南舊事】的書(林海音 ISBN:9787533909901浙江文艺出版社2002年3月),和电影磁碟 (“My Memories of Old Beijing”上海电影制片厂 Shanghai Film Studios l984)。

在網上找到這首【城南舊事】歌曲与您共賞:

【麻雀与小孩】 作者黎锦晖(1891-1967)
  “小麻雀呀,小麻雀呀,
  你的母亲,哪儿去啦。”
  “我的母亲飞去打食,
  还没回头,饿得真难受。”
  “你是我的好朋友,我是你的小朋友,
  我家有许多小青豆,
  我家有许多小虫肉,
  你要吃吃喝喝和我一同走。
  我的小麻雀。”
  “我的好朋友,”
  “走吧走吧走吧走吧走!”

微豆 Haricot said...

Yaya:

如我对 Xiao Zhu 說,下次会寫一篇有多些「色彩」的文章 ^_^

微豆 Haricot said...

laichungleung:

For those of us who won't/can't make history, we may still write and tell the stories.

Cheers !!

微豆 Haricot said...

Acknowledgement/Reference:

The lyric of the song【麻雀与小孩】shown above is from 【百度百科】:

http://baike.baidu.com/view/124232.htm

Hyacinthus said...

謝謝分享,片中另一曲調"送別"也很有意思,道盡人在別離時感傷,借此轉貼 ...

送 別 李叔同

長亭外,古道邊,芳草碧連天,
晚風拂柳笛聲殘,夕陽山外山。
天之涯,地之角,知交半零落,
一觚濁酒盡餘歡,今宵別夢寒。

韶光逝,留無計,今日卻分袂,
驪歌一曲送別離,相顧卻依依。
聚雖好,別雖悲,世事堪玩味,
來日後會相予期,去去莫遲疑。

微豆 Haricot said...

Hyacinthus: Thanks, with all these great movie songs, I definitely should look for the DVD !!!

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