Showing posts with label 中英法笑話 Humours Jokes les blagues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 中英法笑話 Humours Jokes les blagues. Show all posts

Thursday, July 24, 2014

2014年夏天: 「秋老虎」和「黑苺冬天」 / Summer 2014: Blackberry Winter & Indian Summer


Photo Credit: Via Krystyn Chong's Google+ Account

七月天氣炎熱, 冷氣机數星期24/7未有休息, 這和早陣子的寒冬, 真是大有分別 !!

週末我將会跑半馬拉松距離的障礙賽, 希望天氣会冷卻一些, 讓運動員跑也跑得舒服一點.

>>>>>>> UPDATED 20140724 <<<<<<<

My blogger friend Inner Space has raised a very interesting point in his posted comments: Is Eskimo Winter the opposite/equivalent of Indian Summer? According to Wikipedia, the answer is: Blackberry Winter (see below).

References/Related links:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indian_summer

".... An Indian summer is a period of unseasonably warm, dry weather, occurring after the end of summer proper. The US National Weather Service defines this as weather conditions that are sunny and clear with temperatures above 21 °C (70 °F), following a sharp frost (the "Squaw Winter"). It is normally associated with late-September to mid-November. There are multiple explanations for the name. The North American Indians—native Americans—depended upon periods of fine, quiet, sunny weather at this time of the year to complete their harvest to see them through the winter... In China, this period is called qiū lǎohǔ (秋老虎), which literally means "autumn tiger". In Chinese, it signifies the revival of often fierce, summer-like heat that persists well past the Beginning of Autumn (the 13th seasonal division point according to the Chinese calendar, usually falling on August 7 or 8). This hot weather may persist until well into October or November in the southern regions...."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blackberry_winter

".... Blackberry winter is a colloquial expression used in south & midwest North America, referring to a cold snap that often occurs in late spring when the blackberries are in bloom. Other colloquial names for spring cold snaps include "Dogwood winter," “Whippoorwill winter,” "Locust winter," and “Redbud winter.” The different names are based on what is blooming in particular regions during the typical spring cold snaps. Another colloquialism for these spring cold snaps is "Linsey-Woolsey Britches winter," referring to a type of winter long underwear which could be put away after the last cold snap. The Blackberry winter term may have arisen to describe the belief that a spring cold snap helps the blackberry canes to start growing...."

Speaking from a Canadian perspective:  I hope the Canadian company BlackBerry will find it comforting to know that growth will follow after a cold spell !!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angry_Summer

As a side-note, the Aussies use the term "Angry Summer" to describe the hot waves that hit the continent last "summer" (note: the summer down-under is winter for Canadians).  

".... The Australian summer of 2012–2013, known as the Angry Summer or Extreme Summer, resulted in 123 weather records being broken over a 90-day period, including the hottest day ever recorded for Australia as a whole, the hottest January on record, the hottest summer average on record, and a record seven days in a row when the whole continent averaged above 39 °C. ....The hottest temperature recorded during the course of the heatwave was 49.6 °C (121.3 °F) at Moomba in South Australia...."

Thursday, April 18, 2013

A Man Who Speaks His Mind (Survival of the Not-so-fittest ?)


I received the following post from a FaceBook friend (who is a woman and finds it interesting) .....

MAN RULES

WE ALWAYS HEAR 'THE RULES' FROM THE FEMALE SIDE
NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE

THESE ARE OUR RULES!

PLEASE NOTE. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE!

1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:

SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

1.. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US.

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE...

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS..
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR..

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY.

1.. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS.

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

1 .. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

1.. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT.. BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING...

PASS THIS TO AS MANY MEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A LAUGH...

PASS THIS TO AS MANY WOMEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A BIGGER LAUGH, BECAUSE ITS TRUE!

Photo: MAN RULES

AT LAST A GUY HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN
FINALLY, the guys' side of the story. ( I MUST ADMIT, IT'S PRETTY GOOD.)

WE ALWAYS HEAR 'THE RULES' FROM THE FEMALE SIDE
NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE

THESE ARE OUR RULES!

PLEASE NOTE. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE!

1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:

SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

1.. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US.

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE...

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS..
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR..

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY.

1.. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS.

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

1 .. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

1.. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT.. BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING...

PASS THIS TO AS MANY MEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A LAUGH...

PASS THIS TO AS MANY WOMEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A BIGGER LAUGH, BECAUSE ITS TRUE!

Tuesday, March 06, 2012

【老外辨别中国人的88种独门绝招!】/ "88 Ways to Tell You Are Chinese!"


在互聯網上遊逛,偶讀以下一篇半認真、半攪笑的博文,在此貼上与讀者共嘗,大家可發一噱。

微豆


Photo Credit:
Chinese Canadian railway workers
http://www.ccnc.ca/toronto/history/info/info.html


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Disclaimer: I have not modified any of the English/Chinese text in the article【老外辨别中国人的88种独门绝招!】. The posting of the information below does not signify my endorsement of the content of the article and the positions of the authour, his/her affiliations, or sinovision.net.
【老外辨别中国人的88种独门绝招!】
1.You look like you are 18.你看起来好像才18岁(东方人普遍看起来年轻,呵呵)

  2.You like to eat chicken feet。你喜欢吃鸡脚

  3.You suck on fish heads and fish fins。你吃鱼时会吸鱼头和鱼鳍(他们都是直接切掉的)

  4.You have a Chinese knick-knack hanging on your rear view mirror。你的车子后视镜上会吊中国摆设(偶没有,老爸不让,说一看就是中国人,俗,郁闷)

  5.You sing karaoke。你唱KTV(唐人街才有的玩意儿)

  6.Your house is covered with tile。你的房子铺的是瓷砖(老外都是木板)

  7.Your kitchen is covered by a sticky film of grease。你的厨房覆盖着一层厚厚的油脂(爱炒东西的缘故)

  8.Your stove is covered with aluminum foil。你的炉子上面有铝箔

  9.You leave the plastic covers on your remote control。你的遥控器外面包着塑料(发现真的只有中国人才这样)

  10.You"ve never kissed your mom or dad。你从没吻过你父母(中国人谁这样啊)

  11.You"ve never hugged your mom or dad。你从没抱过你父母(幼儿园时算不算?)

  12.Your unassisted vision is worse than 20/500.你的视觉想象力低于20/500(不知啥意思)

  13.You wear contacts,to avoid wearing your "coke bottle glasses"。你戴隐形眼镜,这样才能避免戴你的"瓶底眼镜"(怎么说得中国人好像都近视?偶就不怎么戴眼镜,不过也近视两三百了,呵呵)

  14.You"ve worn glasses since you were in fifth grade。你五年级开始就戴眼镜了. (中国人都是爱学习的好孩子.。。怎么又跟眼镜有关?)

  15.Your hair sticks up when you wake up。你睡醒后头发会竖起来。

  16.You"ll haggle over something that is not negotiable。你会为一些不可质疑的事情辩论. (无理取闹???)

  17.You love to use coupons。你喜欢用折价券. (勤俭节约~~)

  18.You drive around looking for the cheapest petrol。你为了最便宜的汽油费不息开着车子到处找. (恩,我爸就这样)

  19.You drive around for hours looking for the best parking space。你开着车子兜圈为了找到最好的停车位. (看来老外真的不太讲究这个。)

  20.You take showers at night。你晚上洗澡. (许多美国人都是早上洗,不知道为什么)

  21.You avoid the non-free snacks in hotel rooms。旅店房间里的非免费食品你都不吃. (那些东西都是over-charged了的,谁那么笨啊)

  22.You don"t mind squeezing 20people into one motel room。你不介意二十个人挤一间汽车旅房. (那也太抠门了吧.。。)

  23.Most girls have more body hair than you,if you are male。如果你是男人,那么你身上的体毛比大多数女人少. (又不是大猩猩,老子要那么多体毛干什么?)

  24.You tap the table when someone pours tea for you。别人为你倒茶你就用手敲一下桌子。(在广东茶楼尤其如此,不然没礼貌)

  25.You say "Aiya!"and "Wah!"frequently。你经常说"哎(二声)呀(四声)"和"哇(四声)"。

  26.You don"t want to wear your seatbelt because it is uncomfortable。你不喜欢系安全带因为安全带让你感觉不舒服. (晕~~)

  27.You love Las Vegas,slot machines,and blackjack。你喜欢拉斯维加斯,老虎机和二十一点. (中国人好赌,地球人都知道)

  28.You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully,so you can reuse the paper。
你细心地打开你的圣诞节礼物,因为你要留着包装纸再用. (谁叫偶没钱啊)

  29.You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas,when they are 50%off。你只会在圣诞节后买圣诞卡,因为他们打了五折. (^_^这根本就是在说我,圣诞节卡留着下一年用,省下一笔钱好好吃一顿更划算^_^)

  30.You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table。你的厨房桌子上有一条抹布. (老外只有纸巾)

  31.You spit bones and other food scraps on the table.That"s why you need the vinyl tablecloth。你把骨头和其他杂碎吐在桌子上,所以你必须有抹布. (没吐在纸巾上的后果,老外真是浪费.。。)

  32.You have stuff in the freezer since the beginning of time。你的电冰箱存着一万年前的食物。

  33.You use the dishwasher as a dish rack。你把洗碗机当碗橱

  34.You have never used your dishwasher。你从来没用过你的洗碗机。

  35.You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times。你有一个热水瓶里面永远装着热水. (自来水不是人人都喝得惯的~~~)

  36.You eat all meals in the kitchen。你在厨房吃饭。

  37.You save grocery bags,tin foil,and tin containers。你把用过的塑料袋,锡纸和锡盘留着。

  38.You have a piano in your living room。你客厅里有一架钢琴. (管他会不会弹,看起来倍儿有面子)

  39.You pick your teeth at the dinner table (but you cover your mouth)。你会在餐桌上剔牙,但手遮着嘴。

  40.You twirl your pen around your fingers。你会转笔

  41.You hate to waste food。你讨厌浪费食物. (没去过大陆餐馆吃过饭的老外,唉.。。)

  42.You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing。你冰箱里有三口剩饭和一只鸡翼。

43.You don"t own any real Tupperware -only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs,takeout containers,and jam jars。你家里没有任何家用塑料制品,只有一橱子洗过再拿来用的油瓶,饭盒和酱坛子。

  44.You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses。你把果酱瓶当水杯用. (靠,偶没见过)

  45.You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel。你有收集旅馆免费洗发水瓶子的爱好

  46.You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (travel means any car ride longer than 15minutes).These snacks are always dried and include dried plums,mango,ginger,and squid。你每次外出十五分钟都会带着你的零食:干芒果,李子或烤鱿鱼。

  47.You wash your rice at least 2-3times before cooking it。你会洗2-3次米。

  48.Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself。你爸以为自己可以修任何东西。

  49.The dashboard of your Honda is covered by hundreds of small toys。你的车子里堆了无数玩偶。

  50.You don"t use measuring cups。你不用量杯

  51.You beat eggs with chopsticks。你用筷子打鸡蛋。

  52.You have a teacup with a cover on it。你有一个有盖的茶杯. (茶壶嘛~~~)

  53.You always look phone numbers up in the phone book,since calling information (*69) costs 50cents。你总是在电话簿里找电话号码,因为咨询电话费用为五角。

  54.You only make long distance calls after 11pm。你只在11点后打长途. (免费美国国内,中国不知什么时候才有,有竞争果然还是件好事, bs中国电信)

  55.If you are male,you clap at something funny and if you are female,you giggle whilst placing a hand over your mouth。如果你是位男性,你会对好玩的东西鼓掌,如果你是位女性,你会捂着嘴咯咯的笑(笑不路齿嘛)

  56.You like Chinese films in their original undubbed versions。你喜欢没有配过音的中国电影。

  57.You love Chinese Martial Arts films。你喜欢中国功夫片。

  58.You"ve learnt some form of martial arts。你会一些中国武术。

  59.Shaolin actually means something to you。少林对你来说是有含义的

  60.You like congee with thousand-year-old eggs。你喜欢很老的蛋配的粥. (What?)应该是皮蛋瘦肉粥吧

  61.You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached。你喜欢有头尾的虾。

  62.You never call your parents just to say hi。你从不为了问声好而call你父母. (失实严重,这个老外认识的中国人都太抠门了,连个国际长途也省, bs之)

  63.If you don"t live at home,when your parents call,they ask if you"ve eaten,even if it"s midnight。如果你不在家,你的父母会打电话问你吃了吗,就算半夜12点也不例外。

  64.When you"re sick,your parents tell you not to eat fried foods or baked goods due to yeet hay。当你病了的时候,你父母要你不吃油炸食品和烤的东西,因为"热气yeet hay"。广东音

  65.You know what yeet hay is。你知道什么是热气

  66.You e-mail your Chinese friends at work,even though you only 10feet apart。你上班时给你中国朋友send email,即使你们相距10尺。

  67.You use a face cloth。你敷面膜。

  68.You starve yourself before going to all you can eat places。你去吃自助餐前会把自己饿个半死。

  69.You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics。你认识可以打折卖给你珠宝或电器的人。

70.You save your old Coke bottle glasses even though you"re never going to use them again。你留着用过的可乐瓶。

71.You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it。你有自己的切肉刀而且你会磨它

72.Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin。你的牙膏都挤到纸一样薄。

73.You know what moon cakes are。你知道什么是月饼。

74.When there is a sale on toilet paper,you buy 100rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out。当厕纸降价时,你买了100多卷并囤在衣橱或别人的房间里. (这个厉害,那个被占领卧室的人真可怜)

75.Your parents know how to launch nasal projectiles。不知道什么意思

76.You iron your own shirts。你自己烫衣服. (意思是父母不会烫,老外劲小瞧咱中国人,看我飞起一腿,啊扎~~~~`)

77.You play a musical包含ument。你会弹奏一种乐器. (当然,咱中国人打小都是天才,哇哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈.....。。)

78.Even if you"re totally full,if someone says they"re going to throw away the leftovers on the table,you"ll finish them。即使你饱了,当别人要把剩下的菜倒掉时你会一嘴把它吃完. (........really?.....。。)

79.You"ve eaten a red bean popsicle。你吃过红豆冰棍

80.You bring oranges (or other produce)with you as a gift when you visit people"s homes。你拜访别人时会带着水果

81.You fight over who pays the dinner bill。你在餐后抢着付帐单。

82.You majored in something practical like engineering,medicine or law。你的主科是实用型的,工程学,机械学或法律。

83.You live with your parents and you are 30years old (and they prefer it that way).Or if you"re married and 30years old,you live in the apartment next door to your parents,or at least in the same neighborhood。你三十岁时还和父母住在一起并且他们也喜欢你这样。或者你已经三十岁并且结婚了,但你还住在父母隔壁或同个小区。

84.You don"t tip more than 10%at a restaurant,and if you do,you tip Chinese delivery guys/waiters more。你不会给超过10%的小费,即使有也是给中国服务员. (靠,我都是给15%的,给10%人家恨死你。可能每个州不一样吧)

85.You have acquired a taste for bitter melon。你爱好吃苦瓜. (我就不爱吃苦瓜,苦瓜汤还可以)

86.You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl,but don"t eat the last piece of food on the table。你吃光碗里的最后一粒米,但不吃盘里的最后一口菜。

87.You know why there are 88reasons。你知道为什么这里有88条。


88.You see the truth in this and then send it to all your Chinese friends。你发觉这里说的都是真的,所以你把它send给你认识的所有中国朋友.

Monday, January 16, 2012

萬聖節故事: 科學怪人之仙樂飄飄処処聞 / A Halloween Story: Frankenstein's Sound of Music (A scary story that groans on you!!)



This page is from Igor,
Frankly quite a groaner!
Soundly with music so haunting,
You should've seen it coming!

- Haricot -

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Winter Story: Frankenstein's Music (as told by Igor)

Bob Hill and his wife Betty are winter-vacationing in Europe.... as it happens, near Transylvania. It's getting late and snowing hard. They are driving along a rather deserted highway and Bob can barely see where he is going. Suddenly, the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to steer but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree. Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over to the passenger side only to find his wife unconscious and her head bleeding! Despite the winter storm and unfamiliar surrounding, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.

Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks. A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill. We are in a terrible accident and my wife Betty here is seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?" "I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor. C'mon in! I will go get him!"

Bob carries his wife in. An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist but with some basic medical training. We are far from any hospital and it's impossible to drive in this weather. I will see what I can do for you here. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory." Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.

After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor, prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more. The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his pipe organ. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play and a stirring, almost haunting, melody fills the house.

Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to Frankenstein's haunting music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!

Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master:
"Master, Master!.....The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"

(I am soooooo sorry..... but you really should've seen that one coming!!)

Sources / Photo credit:
* Text: Joke from TriRudy
* Top two Photos: Wikipedia / Frankenstein
* Bottom photo: By Lotusandcedar at Camp Fortune (IMG00566)

Note: First posted on Jan 16, 2012

Saturday, December 17, 2011

阿岡昆建設卓越中心 / Algonquin Centre for Construction Excellence

".... Algonquin College. Exam week can be stressful on students. Inspired by the Christmas Food Court Flash Mob, Hallelujah Chorus, the Television Broadcasting students at Algonquin College wanted to showcase the new Algonquin Centre for Construction Excellence 阿岡昆建設卓越中心 by lightening the mood with the help of the Ottawa Regional Youth Choir and Darth Vader. .... Please note: Lord Vader is not enrolled or on faculty at Algonquin ...." (source: Algonquin TV)

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Google Plus

Come One Come All !!!

What's your name?

I mean your REAL NAME!!!

Nice to meet you Little Red Riding Hood ^_^

Why the personal data?

To serve you better with !!! Haha Just kidding ^_^

Because Google and its affiliated market sponsors, your govt agents, your employers present and future, your parents, friends, and foes, all want to know who you REALLY are!!!

Of course, nobody is FORCING you to join.

I mean, like, you don't have to take the bus, drive a car, own a cell phone, use a computer, go on-line, text or blog, belong to Facebook or any social network, have electricity to your apartment, or even have a normal life .....

We at Google respects your FREEDOM of choice to OPT OUT !!!

But it would be nice if you show everyone the REAL YOU ^_^

BTW, I can't find anyone called Little Red Riding Hood in your city's phonebook or the govt's tax return list. Could you spell that again?! And please re-send us a photo of the REAL YOU without the hood covering your face ^_^
Sent from BlackBerry

Friday, August 26, 2011

馬拉松賽跑 - iLike的超自然極簡薄底鞋 / Marathon Races - iLike Supernatural Minimalist Running Shoes


ATTENTION ALL MARATHON RUNNERS
*** NEW RUNNING SHOES ***

Enhance your road race results with
iLike Supernatural,
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for seasoned runners looking
to set a new Personal Best (PB) !!!


(Photo Credit: Made in China 貼貼網 中文幽默王)

Friday, July 29, 2011

English to become Official Language of European Union

!!! EU NEWS !!!

The  European  Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union (EU) rather than German, which was the other possibility. 

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room  for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". 

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard  "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f".  This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. 

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double  letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. 

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. 

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such  as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". 

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vordskontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil  sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun  vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. 

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. 

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl. 

(Source: Unknown & Unreliable :)
Sent from BlackBerry

Sunday, June 05, 2011

健身房的壯男健女 / Gym Jam Men & Washboard Women

This is the YMCA gym where I just finished toying with machines and weights to keep my bod in reasonable shape. In here, you will find a lot of gym jam men admiring their bodies in the mirror, flexing muscles this way and that way. There are also washboard women who eat clean (they probably survive on rabbit food) and show off their wash-board abs in the gym for all to see.

I am not much of a gym jam man, well, at least not openly :O !! Okay, I might conspicuously steal a few glances at my mid-section where the elusive six-packs are supposed to be. Desperation might seep into my sub-conscious for a few seconds, along with the desire to go vegan. But I know it won't take long before my mind shifts to what I should cook for supper tonight - a medium-rare steak grilled on the BBQ sounds good for the hot Canadian summer. And how abt some pre-buttered Yukon Gold potatoes wrapped in aluminum foil, along with some grilled veggies? To top it all, I will have some gelato for dessert pretty please !!!!

Oh Yummy !!!

I think vanity is definitely a woman's problem ..... at least btwn now and the next time I go to the gym and try to suck in my stomach !!!

Haricot


Sent from BlackBerry
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Photo Credit:
I took these photos in Ottawa, June 5, 2011 with my BB, then edited them at home.

+++++++++++

References:
Urban Dictionary
* Gym jam: A song that you listen to whilst working out, a song that gets you pumped up for/in the gym and one that you always listen to whilst 'pumping iron' !!!

* Washboard : Sexy, lean, six pack tummy.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

無公德心夾大声的「手机佬」 ∕ HELLO!!? LISTEN, IT'S THE ANNOYING CELL PHONE GUY !!!! WHAT? SAY IT AGAIN???











以上雖然是攪笑的惡作劇,但在現實公众場合,無公德心夾大声的「手机佬/手机婆」,卻真是常見!!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

憨居居,執到襪帶 / The Garter-Belt Monologue

(Viewer discretion: Sex, slang and rough languages / 兒童不宜)

以前細個住係香港過陣,時常聽到d大人話:『唉!真係執到襪帶,無Ⅹ用!!』我過陣重係憨居居天真無邪,都唔知襪帶係乜。我問阿媽,佢話襪帶係用嚟箍住对絲襪,等佢唔会跌。我聽咗就更加唔明,咁點解d麻甩佬成日話執到襪帶無Ⅹ用呢?其實阿媽都係矇查查,以為襪箍就即係「吊襪腰帶」,不過都唔怪得佢,係屋邨住d師奶,日日搝仔買餸,邊鬼個會有時間同閒錢買襪帶呀! 就算係靜靜雞打斧頭,將一d家用偷嚟做「私己」,都會用咗d錢去打麻雀啦,重點會買乜「吊襪腰帶」,去鈎佬咩?!

好多年之後,我過咗嚟楓葉國,無意中又聽到d唐人仔講話「執到襪帶無Ⅹ用!!」,当時我以為自己識好多嘢,要威威,咪頂佢話:『襪帶係用嚟箍襪,點解會無Ⅹ用!!』,d契弟聽咗笑到碌地,之後經過佢地解釋,我先至明白「襪帶」暗示嘅含意,咁其實我自己都覺得幾好笑。当然哪,為咗增廣見聞,希望再唔會陴人話係憨居仔,我就成日去睇花花公子雜誌,硏究吓各式各樣嘅襪帶,咁依家d道行都昇高咗好多噃。

如果你地唔信,我就係呢度介紹兩套招数俾你睇。我唔係憨居o架!!!!

第一招: 如果你想知道襪帶嘅奧秘,就抺眼鏡睇吓嚟套先...





http://youtu.be/w5_OJqUnKNA

第二招: 如果你道行深咗,咁你就學吓嚟招,唔好鷄手鴨腳呀...





http://youtu.be/XiL25Au51AI

附:
粵講粵過癮[090318][打斧頭]





http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlvriaSzxic

References:

* UPDATE 20110428 說文解字: 「 執 到 襪 帶 , 累 冇 身 家 」

「襪 帶」是和「雞肋」有大約相同意思。

「雞肋」食之無味,棄之可惜,是比喻做無多大意義,而又不忍捨棄的事情。根據《百度百科》,此語源自《三國志.魏志.武帝 紀》,裴松之注引晉司馬彪《九州春秋》: ".... 時王欲還﹐出令曰: 『雞肋!』,官屬不知所謂。主簿楊修便自嚴裝﹐人驚問修: 『何以知之? 』修曰: 『夫雞肋﹐棄之如可惜﹐食之無所得﹐以比漢中﹐知王欲還也。』...."

「襪 帶」本身無用,但棄之可惜,於是執物者要大破慳囊,又要費錢買panty, 又要費錢買silk Stocking,倒頭來, 執到的襪 帶可不便宜!! 故曰: 『 執 到 襪 帶 , 累 冇 身 家』,又暗示:『都係無Q用!』

* Garter Belt: A garter belt or suspender belt is a woman's undergarment consisting of an elastic piece of cloth worn around the waist to which garters are attached to hold up stockings. Nowadays, women usually wear pantyhose or tights, a one-piece pair of elastic stockings that continue up the body into a foundation garment; individual stockings, held up by a garter belt, are rarely worn as part of everyday dress. Nevertheless, garter belts and stockings continue to be sold in many department stores as well as more specialized outlets. They are considered a reflection of their enduring role in erotic fantasy.
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garter_(stockings))

* 程咬金,是一個家喻戶曉的小說人物。他原名程(粵音咬)金,後稱程知節,是隋末唐初的人,在小說《隋唐演義》中,寫成程咬金。程咬金是隋末農民起義軍領袖,在隋末投瓦崗寨,失敗後歸順唐朝。他是一個帶兵官,曾跟從李密、王世充等,後來跟隨李世民,討平隋末群雄,功勞赫赫,到唐高宗時,官至大將軍,後因率軍西征無功而罷官,正史中有傳。 在小說中,他是一員福將,用一對板斧為武器,武藝不太好,但運氣卻好。打仗時,遇到不強的對手,三板斧已經奏功,遇到強的對手,耍完三十六道板斧,仍無法取勝,便拍馬逃去。故現在也有「程咬金三板斧」、「三十六道板斧」之說。程咬金憨厚耿直,手執板斧,常伏於半路殺出,「半路殺出個程咬金」等諺語,也出自這歷史小說人物 。
(http://www.soso.com/)

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

牛嚼牡丹看歌劇 / Opera is an expensive nap

On Mar 28, 2011 Monday evening, S, K and I went to see the Italian opera Lucia di Lammermoor written by Donizetti and performed by Ottawa's Opera Lyra at the National Arts Centre (NAC). I hate to report that I slept thru Act I and Act II.

Don't get me wrong, Lyra Opera's performance/singing was entertaining and the NAC orchestra was, as usual, great. It's just that I had run 10K earlier in the day and was feeling a bit tired - that was my excuse to K.

Anyway, I was more awake when the light dimmed for Act III but don't ask me abt the whole story. Neither can I explain why a Scottish love tragedy was sung in Italians (with English and French subtitles flashing across the top of the stage) by Canadian performers dressed up as Scots.

After the opera, K said something abt what most women know already: Opera is an expensive nap for men.

To keep the attention span of brutes like me, maybe they should have incorporated aliens, space ships, and explosions on the NAC stage, just like the opera scene from the movie "The Fifth Element" in which Inva Mula (as Diva Plagalaguna in the story) was singing, with her beautiful beautiful voice, "Lucia di Lammermoor" by Gaetano Donizetti (click here to read more: http://lotusandcedar.blogspot.com/2011/01/inva-mula-singing-lucia-di-lammermoor.html)

Photo Credit: Ottawa's Opera Lyra http://www.operalyra.ca/

Related links / videos:







Monday, March 28, 2011

依賴電腦核子等髙科技的摩登時代 / Modern Life & Technology Crashes

Several weeks ago, T's laptop crashed and so K and I offered him the use of our desktop until such time when he could afford a new one.

Laptops are not cheap here in Ottawa. The mid-price range is abt $500-700 and if you add Microsoft Office, antivirus, expanded memory, extended warranty, etc, plus the 13% HST (harmonized sales tax) on top of everything, you are looking at abt CAD$1,200. Assuming your marginal income tax rate is 33%, it means you need to earn $1,800 to buy that laptop. Ouch !!! Can one live without a computer?

On Saturday I received an urgent text message saying S couldn't turn on his new laptop. Luckily, Best Buy was able to fix the problem for abt CAD$100 parts and labour - it was the power supply. Money aside, S was only too happy that the computer had not crashed and that he did not lose his data.

Presently I am typing this article on my BlackBerry and I will send it wireless for posting onto Blogger. But what if the BB crashes, my desktop computer stops working, and the Blogger server shuts down? With the loss of hardware, software, personal data, and external internet links, can I go back and live a 'primary life' without modern technologies? Or will the new reality remain just a shadow of my 'secondary life' past?

And the last time I checked, the nearest nuclear facility is at Chalk River, upstream of Ottawa's water supply.

I think I better start learning how to collect rain water, grow vegetable and raise chickens in the backyard. Okay, I will trade you 180 chickens for one laptop, battery included.
Sent from BlackBerry

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

幽默: 外交關係政策萬花筒 ∕ Foreign Relations Policy - A Tongue-in-Cheek Peek Through the Kaleidoscope

The following is something from "Crouching Tiger" aka 臥虎 on foreign relations policy (don't miss the related links and references listed at the end!!):

" ...... While conversing with my friends or surfing on the Internet, I observe that people's foreign policy views can be as diverse, colorful, and at times diametrically opposite as the shifting pieces in a kaleidoscope. So, here is a quick tongue-in-cheek peek:

The Ugly Americans: Whatever the US supports, we oppose!!

The Asian Boss: We will do whatever it takes to thump the Americans and become the global economic and political power house.

The Empire Builders: What is mine is mine. What's yours will be mine (I mean yours but I am controlling it). We especially like joint ventures to develop your resources (I mean your economy).

The Free Traders: We believe in trade liberalization and investment sans frontier. So what if our transnational corporations protect their own interests by supporting an oppressive regime. In the end, better economy will benefit the poor there too (we think).

Wide Eyes Shut: I will go to bed with you (with my wide eyes open). As to your atrocities, I see nothing, hear nothing and say nothing (with my wide eyes shut).

Straightly God-sent: 9/11 is God punishing this faggot-infested country. The Westboro Baptist Church will protest wherever and whenever we want. Our members want to rid the world of homosexuals (who cares about wars, starvation, or little girl's funeral!!).

The Bully: Do what I say or I will shoot you knee-cap and hurt your sister. No, that's not our official foreign policy. Ask the big guy in the shade there if you want to find out.

The Multilateralists: We strongly condemn your action and we will hold an emergency session to talk about it all night long. Tomorrow, we will release a Press Release - that is after everyone has agreed on the wording of our joint statement, or a watered down version thereof.

The Unilateralists: You're either with us, or against us.

The Red Necks: Nuke 'em!!!

The Conspiracy Crowd: Obama is Muslim!

The McCarthy Crowd: We are fighting foreign infiltrations and threats. Now answer me: Are you, or have you ever been a member of....

The Learning Channel host: All foreign policies should be vetted through Alaska where we can see Russia.

Sleeping with the Elephant/Donkey: Our foreign policy is perfectly aligned with the 49th parallel. We strive to keep that border open, permeable but not porous!!!

The Bleeding Hearts: Come one, come all!! We treat everyone equal, those who are in line and those who jump the queue.

The Money Solution: Pour in more financial aid please!!

Training the Trainers: We are sending embedded military advisers to train the local soldiers. This is not our war (quote, unquote from Robert McNamara's Vietnam past).

The Humanitarian Priority: We are there to build schools and hospitals and to improve gender equality. In return, our strong men in the developing world promise their political alignments and voting support at the UN. What politically tied aid?

And finally, Out of Alberta: North-South trade relationship takes priority over East-West politics. Sorry, Calgary!!

I am sure if you shake your foreign-policy kaleidoscope from time to time, you will come up with something completely different!! And isn't that how speech writers come up with Talking Points for their bosses?

True to northern tradition, I apologize profusely if I have offended anyone in my rant. ....."

Notes from Haricot:
* I hope you share Crouching Tiger's kaleidoscopic insight and sense of humour :O
* I have added some links (below) that are somewhat related to 臥虎's points.

Related links / References:

* The Ugly Americans
"... The Ugly American is the title of a 1958 political novel by Eugene Burdick and William Lederer. ...The novel takes place in a fictional nation called Sarkhan (an imaginary country in Southeast Asia that somewhat resembles Burma or Thailand, but which is meant to allude to Vietnam) ... and describes the United States' losing struggle against Communism - what was later to be called the battle for hearts and minds in Southeast Asia, because of innate arrogance and the failure to understand the local culture. The title is actually a double entendre, referring both to the physically unattractive hero, Homer Atkins, and to the ugly behavior of the American government employees. In the novel, a Burmese journalist says "... A mysterious change seems to come over Americans when they go to a foreign land. They isolate themselves socially. They live pretentiously. They're loud and ostentatious." Ultimately, the phrase "ugly Americans" comes to be applied to Americans behaving in this manner, while the positive contributions of the Homer Atkins character are forgotten. ... The story of this novel was made into a film in 1963 starring Marlon Brando as Ambassador Harrison Carter MacWhite...." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ugly_American)

* 『凡是敵人反对的我們就贊成,凡是敵人贊成的我們就反对』
是1967年香港暴動左派的口號,源自中國文化大革命〈毛主席語錄〉: 『凡是敵人反對的,我們就要擁護;凡是敵人擁護的,我們就要反對。下定決心,不怕犧牲,排除萬難,去爭取勝利。』
(1967 Hong Kong Riot Slogans: http://chrisleung1954.mysinablog.com/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=2159665 )
(1967 Hong Kong Riot video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k72kXzx_2XE)

* "You're either with us, or against us." or variations thereof has been repeated by many, including then US President George W Bush.

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You%27re_either_with_us,_or_against_us )

*
The Westboro Baptist Church:
" 美國堪薩斯州的威斯特布路浸信會(Westboro Baptist Church),由弗雷德•菲尔普斯(Fred Phelps)創立,成員大部份是創立者菲尔普斯的親人,是一家族教會。威斯特布路浸信會沒有與美國任何浸信會組織有聯繫。威斯特布路浸信會有一個叫 God hate fags 的網站 ...
* On May 14, 2008, two days after the deadly 2008 Sichuan earthquake, WBC issued a press release thanking God for the heavy loss of life in China, and praying "for many more earthquakes to kill many more thousands of impudent and ungrateful Chinese" ... In January 2011, Westboro announced that they would picket the funeral of Christina Green, a 9-year-old victim of the 2011 Tucson shooting. ... In relation to the war in Iraq, a WBC flier says "in His retaliatory rage God is killing Americans with Muslim IEDs ... The Church believes that Barack Obama is the Antichrist, and that he forms an Unholy Trinity with Satan and Pope Benedict XVI, who they believe is the False Prophet. ..."
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westboro_Baptist_Church)

* Evelyn Beatrice Hall, (1868 - 1919?): "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evelyn_Beatrice_Hall )

* "Nuke'em !!" was a popular phase during the Cold War Era (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doctor_Strangelove )

* Obama is Muslim:
Talk radio host Mark Williams, a leader in the populist Tea Party protest movement, described Obama as an "Indonesian Muslim turned welfare thug" in remarks on his blog. When Williams appeared on the CNN show Anderson Cooper 360 in September 2009, he was asked if he really believed these statements, and he responded: “He's certainly acting like it. Until he embraces the whole country, what else can I conclude?”
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barack_Obama_religion_conspiracy_theories)

* McCarthyism:
"... In December 2010, US Congressman Peter King (R-NY) announced that when he became chairman of the House Homeland Security Committee he would hold hearings on the radicalization of American Muslims. Despite saying,"The overwhelming majority of Muslims are outstanding citizens," he also claims that Islamic clerics are telling their congregations to ignore extremism. King cites Justice Department statistics show that over the past two years fifty U.S. citizens have been charged with major acts of terrorism, and all fifty individuals were motivated by radical Islamic ideologies. The first hearing, held on March 10, 2011, was entitled “The Extent of Radicalization in the American Muslim Community and that Community's Response...” "... Organisers say hearing is vital to US security, but critics say it raises spectre of McCarthy witch-hunts ..."
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mcarthyism )
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_T._King#Radicalization_hearings )

(http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2011/03/10/AR2011031002045.html )(http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/mar/10/muslim-hearings-peter-king-us-congress )

* Sarah Palin's Foreign Policy Experience:
".... The initial 40-minute session aired September 24 and 25, 2008. Sarah Palin and (TV journalist) Katie Couric discussed Rick Davis and the economy. Palin defended her comments on how Alaska's proximity to Russia enhanced her foreign policy experience:
“ COURIC: You’ve cited Alaska’s proximity to Russia as part of your foreign-policy experience. What did you mean by that?
PALIN: That Alaska has a very narrow maritime border between a foreign country, Russia, and on our other side, the land — boundary that we have with — Canada. It, it’s funny that a comment like that was — kind of made to cari — I don’t know. You know. Reporters —
COURIC: Mocked?
PALIN: Yeah, mocked, I guess that’s the word, yeah.
COURIC: Explain to me why that enhances your foreign policy credentials.
PALIN: Well, it certainly does because our— our next door neighbors are foreign countries. They're in the state that I am the executive of. And there in Russia—
COURIC: Have you ever been involved with any negotiations, for example, with the Russians?
PALIN: We have trade missions back and forth. We— we do— it's very important when you consider even national security issues with Russia as Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where— where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border. It is— from Alaska that we send those out to make sure that an eye is being kept on this very powerful nation, Russia, because they are right there. They are right next to— to our state. ..."
(
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarah_Palin_interviews_with_Katie_Couric)

* Sarah Paulin as The Learning Channel TLC's Alaska reality-show host: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarah_Palin%27s_Alaska

* Sleeping with the elephant:
'"... Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau often called up the old metaphor that being America's neighbour, 'is like sleeping with an elephant. No matter how friendly and even-tempered the beast, if one can call it that, one is affected by every twitch and grunt'.... "
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canada_%E2%80%93_United_States_relations )

* The Bleeding Hearts:
This could refer to the policy issue associated with managing legitimate and illegitimate refugee claimants arriving at our door steps.
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Displaced_person )

* The Money Solution:
This could refer to the provision of financial and other forms of foreign aid without considering its effectiveness, efficiency, long-term sustainability, and the probability of achieving foreign policy objectives and results.
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foreign_aid )

* Robert McNamara 羅伯特•麥克納馬拉:
"... During President John F. Kennedy's term, while McNamara was Secretary of Defense, America's troops in Vietnam increased from 900 to 16,000 advisers, who were not supposed to engage in combat but rather to train the Army of the Republic of Vietnam. ..."
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_McNamara#Vietnam_War )
(Robert S McNamara, "In Retrospect: The Tragedy and Lessons of Vietnam", ISBN 0-8129-2523-8, 1995)
(http://www.c-spanvideo.org/program/64642-1 - one hour long)
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHdMeHxDg90&feature=related)


* Foreign Aid:
" .... 外援 (或稱援助) 指國際政治上,特別是經濟上的,對某國或社群提供協助以解決人道危機或達成社經目的。經濟上的援助常分贈予及借貸兩類。外援除了政府與政府間的援助外,近年來國際組織及非政府組織也有不少的外援計劃。面對不同的狀態,人道救援指的主要是處理意外或災難的抒困及救助。而 發展基金 旨在創造永續的經濟發展以改善社經狀態。..."
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aid )

* Tied Aid:
" ... Motivations for tying aid: In the OECD report The Tying of Aid, it was found that the motivations for tying aid were both economical and political. From the economic point of view, the donor country aims to raise its own exports. However, the study found that the exports related to tied aid were minimal. ... The Tying of Aid thus concluded that the more important reason for the practice was political. Historical relations, trade relationships, geopolitical interests and cultural ties, all are examples of the political motivations behind the tying of aid ... donors support countries with which they have, or hope to have, strong ties. ..."
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tied_aid)

* Canadian International Development Agency CIDA: (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canadian_International_Development_Agency )

* Canada's Foreign Relations / DFAIT Department of Foreign Affairs and International Trade
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canada-US_border )
(
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canada-US_Free_Trade_Agreement )
(
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foreign_relations_of_Canada )
(
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Department_of_Foreign_Affairs_and_International_Trade)

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

開懷篇 / C'mon Lighten Up !


I am sharing with you the following ten jokes from my friend. I like #1 and #8 the best. How abt you?

1.【世說新語】

在當今亞洲幾個華人聚集的地方。

香港:一切准許,除非法律禁止。

新加坡:一切禁止,除非法律准許。

台灣:一切准許,包括法律禁止。

中國大陸:一切禁止,包括法律准許。

2.【通婚】

妻子和丈夫吵了架以後,氣憤地說:「我就是找了一個魔鬼也比嫁給你強!」

丈夫立即回答:「你嫁不了魔鬼!法律規定,近親不准結婚 ....... 」

3.【牛皮]

一天, 老張到市場買牛皮,老張:「這個牛皮防水嗎?」

老闆:「廢話!你見過牛在下雨天撐傘嗎?」

4.【杯子】

美國人︰「你看過木頭做的杯子嗎?」

中國人︰「沒有!」

美國人︰「那為什麼你們中國字的『杯』是木字旁?」

中國人︰「『杯』字旁邊不是有個『不』字嗎!也就是說它不是木頭做的。」

5.【神父的笑話】

有一個滿身酒氣的醉漢上了一班公共汽車,他坐在一個神父旁邊。

那個醉漢的襯衫很髒,他的臉上有女人的亮紅唇印,口袋裡還放了空酒瓶,他拿出他的報紙閱讀
過了一會兒,他問神父說:「神父,得關節炎的原因是什麼?」

「這位先生,它是因為浪費生命、和妓女鬼混、酗酒和不自重所引起的。」神父如是說。

「噢,原來如此!」醉漢喃喃自語後繼續閱讀報紙。

神父想了一下後,又向醉漢道歉說:

「對不起,我剛剛講話是不應該這麼直接的,你患關節炎有多久了?」

「不是我,神父,我衹是在報紙上看到教皇得了關節炎。」

6.【陷阱】

新任主教聽說到達紐約後很有可能被報界拖入預設的陷阱,所以格外小心。

從機場出來,有記者一見面就問:「你想上夜總會嗎?」

主教想避開這個問題,就笑著反問:「紐約有夜總會嗎?」

第二天早上,報紙登載的這次訪問新聞的大標題是:

「主教走下飛機後的第一個問題:紐約有夜總會嗎?」

7.【我的兒子】

在某個家庭聚會中,有四個信天主教的主婦在一起聊天。聊呀聊,她們就聊到自己的兒子。

主婦 A 說:「我的兒子是 Priest (神父),當他走進大廳時,人們都叫他 Father (父親)。」

主婦 B 說:「哼!那沒什麼,我的兒子是 Bishop (主教),當他走進大廳時,人們都叫他 Your Grace (閣下)。」 !

主婦 C 說:「我的兒子是 Cardinal (紅衣主教),當他走進大廳時,人們都叫他 Your Eminence (殿下)。」

主婦 D 慢慢說:「我的兒子身高 200 公分 、兩塊大胸肌、翹屁股、一 張帥氣臉,

當他走進大廳時,所有的女人都驚叫『 Oh! My God! 』

8.【愛情小說】

德國愛情小說︰兩個人在第一章就看對眼,但要到最後一章才能比翼雙飛。

法國愛情小說:兩人在第一章就雙宿雙飛,但從此至最後一章都在想辦法離開對方

俄國愛情小說:專寫兩個既不愛對方,也沒有得到對方的長達一千五百頁的悲慘故事。

中國愛情小說:兩個人在第一章就看對眼,

從此以後男主角在每一章中都又和別人看對眼,

最後所有被他看對眼的人都成為他的老婆。

9.【歷史故事】

小明吵著爸爸要他說歷史故事 ....

小明的爸爸:「好啦!從前從前有一隻烏龜 ... 」

小明:「這才不是歷史故事!我要聽歷史故事啦!」

小明的爸爸:「好啦!好啦!宋朝的時候,有一隻烏龜 .... 」

10.【可憐的被告】

法官看著被告,狐疑的問道:「我好像見過你?」

被告滿懷希望的抬起頭來回答道:「是的,您的太太就是我二十年前介紹給您認識的。」

「原來是你!」法官咬牙切齒的說:「判你有期徒刑二十年。」

攝影圖片Photo Credit
* I took this photo on Sep 27, 2010 near 168 Renfrew Street, Glasgow, across from the Glasgow School of Art, Scotland 蘇格蘭格拉斯哥藝術學院.

Related links:
* 開懷集 / Raising Fund (Fun) http://lotusandcedar.blogspot.com/2007/12/raising-fund-fun.html
* 中 英 法 笑話 / Humours, Jokes, les blagues
http://lotusandcedar.blogspot.com/search/label/%E4%B8%AD%E8%8B%B1%E6%B3%95%E7%AC%91%E8%A9%B1%20Humours%20Jokes%20les%20blagues

Sunday, November 14, 2010

學習英語: 沒有法則的英文 ∕ Learning English: When Exceptions Become the Rules


來來來!
我們齊齊學英語!!
首先讓我們
聽聽作家Kathryn Lindskoog的意見,
讀讀她在近作
"Creative Writing - For people who can't not write"
寫的一首打油詩:

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?


Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and
get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship...
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and
in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother is not Mop?

哈!哈! 好一個沒法則的語言
When Exceptions to the Rules Become the Rules !!

References:
*「維基百科」: 英語語言發展史
* Wikipedia: English language
*「維基百科」:英語

Photo Credit / 图片:
* Amazon dot com

Sunday, October 03, 2010

Friday, September 03, 2010

林子祥 - "點解娶老婆" 1979 / George Lam - "When MY Girl Becomes THE Wife &%$@#"

有些男人,就算在情場打勝了仗,結了婚之後又会口出怨言,這是不是他們立心不定的悔意?還是下種「七年之癢」的籍口,?!



廣東專輯: 1979 "抉擇 — 點解娶老婆"
曲 : 林子祥 / 詞 : 黃霑

從前成日拍拖 日又拍夜也拖
暈陀陀 佢變咗我老婆
舊陣情話佢多 現在成日發火
亂鬧亂喝 每天我有禍
佢一變我老婆 點解乜都反轉咗
一變我老婆 我出多一聲都惹禍

從前成日拍拖 日又拍夜也拖
談情時間 永不會肚餓
現在成日罵我 仍然嫌未夠多
重鬧冇錢 養乜野老婆
知道咁受難 當初死都不拍拖
總之我係傻 當初點解娶老婆

The above post is a humourous response to Fresh Designer's Aug 31, 2010 blog article "戀愛英雌!".

Links / References:
* Fresh Designer's blog article: 戀愛英雌! 2010年8月30日
* Wikipedia: "George Lam" 暱稱阿Lam 林子祥
* YouTube credit: Zoundcracker
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