幽默: 外交關係政策萬花筒 ∕ Foreign Relations Policy - A Tongue-in-Cheek Peek Through the Kaleidoscope

The following is something from "Crouching Tiger" aka 臥虎 on foreign relations policy (don't miss the related links and references listed at the end!!):

" ...... While conversing with my friends or surfing on the Internet, I observe that people's foreign policy views can be as diverse, colorful, and at times diametrically opposite as the shifting pieces in a kaleidoscope. So, here is a quick tongue-in-cheek peek:

The Ugly Americans: Whatever the US supports, we oppose!!

The Asian Boss: We will do whatever it takes to thump the Americans and become the global economic and political power house.

The Empire Builders: What is mine is mine. What's yours will be mine (I mean yours but I am controlling it). We especially like joint ventures to develop your resources (I mean your economy).

The Free Traders: We believe in trade liberalization and investment sans frontier. So what if our transnational corporations protect their own interests by supporting an oppressive regime. In the end, better economy will benefit the poor there too (we think).

Wide Eyes Shut: I will go to bed with you (with my wide eyes open). As to your atrocities, I see nothing, hear nothing and say nothing (with my wide eyes shut).

Straightly God-sent: 9/11 is God punishing this faggot-infested country. The Westboro Baptist Church will protest wherever and whenever we want. Our members want to rid the world of homosexuals (who cares about wars, starvation, or little girl's funeral!!).

The Bully: Do what I say or I will shoot you knee-cap and hurt your sister. No, that's not our official foreign policy. Ask the big guy in the shade there if you want to find out.

The Multilateralists: We strongly condemn your action and we will hold an emergency session to talk about it all night long. Tomorrow, we will release a Press Release - that is after everyone has agreed on the wording of our joint statement, or a watered down version thereof.

The Unilateralists: You're either with us, or against us.

The Red Necks: Nuke 'em!!!

The Conspiracy Crowd: Obama is Muslim!

The McCarthy Crowd: We are fighting foreign infiltrations and threats. Now answer me: Are you, or have you ever been a member of....

The Learning Channel host: All foreign policies should be vetted through Alaska where we can see Russia.

Sleeping with the Elephant/Donkey: Our foreign policy is perfectly aligned with the 49th parallel. We strive to keep that border open, permeable but not porous!!!

The Bleeding Hearts: Come one, come all!! We treat everyone equal, those who are in line and those who jump the queue.

The Money Solution: Pour in more financial aid please!!

Training the Trainers: We are sending embedded military advisers to train the local soldiers. This is not our war (quote, unquote from Robert McNamara's Vietnam past).

The Humanitarian Priority: We are there to build schools and hospitals and to improve gender equality. In return, our strong men in the developing world promise their political alignments and voting support at the UN. What politically tied aid?

And finally, Out of Alberta: North-South trade relationship takes priority over East-West politics. Sorry, Calgary!!

I am sure if you shake your foreign-policy kaleidoscope from time to time, you will come up with something completely different!! And isn't that how speech writers come up with Talking Points for their bosses?

True to northern tradition, I apologize profusely if I have offended anyone in my rant. ....."

Notes from Haricot:
* I hope you share Crouching Tiger's kaleidoscopic insight and sense of humour :O
* I have added some links (below) that are somewhat related to 臥虎's points.

Related links / References:

* The Ugly Americans
"... The Ugly American is the title of a 1958 political novel by Eugene Burdick and William Lederer. ...The novel takes place in a fictional nation called Sarkhan (an imaginary country in Southeast Asia that somewhat resembles Burma or Thailand, but which is meant to allude to Vietnam) ... and describes the United States' losing struggle against Communism - what was later to be called the battle for hearts and minds in Southeast Asia, because of innate arrogance and the failure to understand the local culture. The title is actually a double entendre, referring both to the physically unattractive hero, Homer Atkins, and to the ugly behavior of the American government employees. In the novel, a Burmese journalist says "... A mysterious change seems to come over Americans when they go to a foreign land. They isolate themselves socially. They live pretentiously. They're loud and ostentatious." Ultimately, the phrase "ugly Americans" comes to be applied to Americans behaving in this manner, while the positive contributions of the Homer Atkins character are forgotten. ... The story of this novel was made into a film in 1963 starring Marlon Brando as Ambassador Harrison Carter MacWhite...." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ugly_American)

* 『凡是敵人反对的我們就贊成,凡是敵人贊成的我們就反对』
是1967年香港暴動左派的口號,源自中國文化大革命〈毛主席語錄〉: 『凡是敵人反對的，我們就要擁護；凡是敵人擁護的，我們就要反對。下定決心，不怕犧牲，排除萬難，去爭取勝利。』
(1967 Hong Kong Riot Slogans: http://chrisleung1954.mysinablog.com/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=2159665 )
(1967 Hong Kong Riot video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k72kXzx_2XE)

* "You're either with us, or against us." or variations thereof has been repeated by many, including then US President George W Bush.
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You%27re_either_with_us,_or_against_us )

* The Westboro Baptist Church:
" 美國堪薩斯州的威斯特布路浸信會（Westboro Baptist Church），由弗雷德•菲尔普斯（Fred Phelps）創立，成員大部份是創立者菲尔普斯的親人，是一家族教會。威斯特布路浸信會沒有與美國任何浸信會組織有聯繫。威斯特布路浸信會有一個叫 God hate fags 的網站 ...
* On May 14, 2008, two days after the deadly 2008 Sichuan earthquake, WBC issued a press release thanking God for the heavy loss of life in China, and praying "for many more earthquakes to kill many more thousands of impudent and ungrateful Chinese" ... In January 2011, Westboro announced that they would picket the funeral of Christina Green, a 9-year-old victim of the 2011 Tucson shooting. ... In relation to the war in Iraq, a WBC flier says "in His retaliatory rage God is killing Americans with Muslim IEDs ... The Church believes that Barack Obama is the Antichrist, and that he forms an Unholy Trinity with Satan and Pope Benedict XVI, who they believe is the False Prophet. ..."
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westboro_Baptist_Church)

* Evelyn Beatrice Hall, (1868 - 1919?): "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evelyn_Beatrice_Hall )

* "Nuke'em !!" was a popular phase during the Cold War Era (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doctor_Strangelove )

* Obama is Muslim: Talk radio host Mark Williams, a leader in the populist Tea Party protest movement, described Obama as an "Indonesian Muslim turned welfare thug" in remarks on his blog. When Williams appeared on the CNN show Anderson Cooper 360 in September 2009, he was asked if he really believed these statements, and he responded: “He's certainly acting like it. Until he embraces the whole country, what else can I conclude?”
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barack_Obama_religion_conspiracy_theories)

* McCarthyism: "... In December 2010, US Congressman Peter King (R-NY) announced that when he became chairman of the House Homeland Security Committee he would hold hearings on the radicalization of American Muslims. Despite saying,"The overwhelming majority of Muslims are outstanding citizens," he also claims that Islamic clerics are telling their congregations to ignore extremism. King cites Justice Department statistics show that over the past two years fifty U.S. citizens have been charged with major acts of terrorism, and all fifty individuals were motivated by radical Islamic ideologies. The first hearing, held on March 10, 2011, was entitled “The Extent of Radicalization in the American Muslim Community and that Community's Response...” "... Organisers say hearing is vital to US security, but critics say it raises spectre of McCarthy witch-hunts ..."
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mcarthyism )
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_T._King#Radicalization_hearings )
(http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2011/03/10/AR2011031002045.html )(http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/mar/10/muslim-hearings-peter-king-us-congress )

* Sarah Palin's Foreign Policy Experience:
".... The initial 40-minute session aired September 24 and 25, 2008. Sarah Palin and (TV journalist) Katie Couric discussed Rick Davis and the economy. Palin defended her comments on how Alaska's proximity to Russia enhanced her foreign policy experience:
“ COURIC: You’ve cited Alaska’s proximity to Russia as part of your foreign-policy experience. What did you mean by that?
PALIN: That Alaska has a very narrow maritime border between a foreign country, Russia, and on our other side, the land — boundary that we have with — Canada. It, it’s funny that a comment like that was — kind of made to cari — I don’t know. You know. Reporters —
COURIC: Mocked?
PALIN: Yeah, mocked, I guess that’s the word, yeah.
COURIC: Explain to me why that enhances your foreign policy credentials.
PALIN: Well, it certainly does because our— our next door neighbors are foreign countries. They're in the state that I am the executive of. And there in Russia—
COURIC: Have you ever been involved with any negotiations, for example, with the Russians?
PALIN: We have trade missions back and forth. We— we do— it's very important when you consider even national security issues with Russia as Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where— where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border. It is— from Alaska that we send those out to make sure that an eye is being kept on this very powerful nation, Russia, because they are right there. They are right next to— to our state. ..."
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarah_Palin_interviews_with_Katie_Couric)

* Sarah Paulin as The Learning Channel TLC's Alaska reality-show host: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarah_Palin%27s_Alaska

* Sleeping with the elephant:
'"... Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau often called up the old metaphor that being America's neighbour, 'is like sleeping with an elephant. No matter how friendly and even-tempered the beast, if one can call it that, one is affected by every twitch and grunt'.... "
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canada_%E2%80%93_United_States_relations )

* The Bleeding Hearts:
This could refer to the policy issue associated with managing legitimate and illegitimate refugee claimants arriving at our door steps.
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Displaced_person )

* The Money Solution:
This could refer to the provision of financial and other forms of foreign aid without considering its effectiveness, efficiency, long-term sustainability, and the probability of achieving foreign policy objectives and results.
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foreign_aid )

* Robert McNamara 羅伯特•麥克納馬拉:
"... During President John F. Kennedy's term, while McNamara was Secretary of Defense, America's troops in Vietnam increased from 900 to 16,000 advisers, who were not supposed to engage in combat but rather to train the Army of the Republic of Vietnam. ..."
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_McNamara#Vietnam_War )
(Robert S McNamara, "In Retrospect: The Tragedy and Lessons of Vietnam", ISBN 0-8129-2523-8, 1995)
(http://www.c-spanvideo.org/program/64642-1 - one hour long)
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHdMeHxDg90&feature=related)

* Foreign Aid:
" .... 外援 (或稱援助) 指國際政治上，特別是經濟上的，對某國或社群提供協助以解決人道危機或達成社經目的。經濟上的援助常分贈予及借貸兩類。外援除了政府與政府間的援助外，近年來國際組織及非政府組織也有不少的外援計劃。面對不同的狀態，人道救援指的主要是處理意外或災難的抒困及救助。而 發展基金 旨在創造永續的經濟發展以改善社經狀態。..."
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aid )

* Tied Aid:
" ... Motivations for tying aid: In the OECD report The Tying of Aid, it was found that the motivations for tying aid were both economical and political. From the economic point of view, the donor country aims to raise its own exports. However, the study found that the exports related to tied aid were minimal. ... The Tying of Aid thus concluded that the more important reason for the practice was political. Historical relations, trade relationships, geopolitical interests and cultural ties, all are examples of the political motivations behind the tying of aid ... donors support countries with which they have, or hope to have, strong ties. ..."
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tied_aid)

* Canadian International Development Agency CIDA: (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canadian_International_Development_Agency )

* Canada's Foreign Relations / DFAIT Department of Foreign Affairs and International Trade
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canada-US_border )
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canada-US_Free_Trade_Agreement )
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foreign_relations_of_Canada )
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Department_of_Foreign_Affairs_and_International_Trade)