願者上釣: 新郎新娘的結婚疍糕 / Wedding Cake

星期六和K駕車往Trenton參加近親的新婚宴會，新郎新娘都喜歡工餘泛舟在湖上垂釣，所以結婚疍糕也是以釣魚為主題。正是：願者上釣也!!

US Supreme Court grants equal status to same-sex couples

I find the love story of these two 70+ years old couple very moving. How can anyone say that is not true love !!!

Some of the US conservatives are saying the Supreme Court is out of its jurisdiction, as only God shall define what a marriage is. 

The last time I heard such an argument was from alleged terrorist Chiheb Esseghaier at his arraignment before Justice of the Peace Susan Hilton in Toronto. He reportedly told the court that the Criminal Code of Canada, under which he was charged, is not a holy book !!!

In my opinion, the separation of state and church is important in a democracy.

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Before the Supreme Court decision, there was just Edith and Thea
TU THANH HA, The Globe and Mail
Last updated Wednesday, Jun. 26 2013, 10:10 PM EDT

When Edith Windsor and Thea Spyer wed in 2007 at the Sheraton Gateway Hotel, near Pearson airport, they were in their 70s and Ms. Spyer’s long battle with multiple sclerosis had confined her to a wheelchair.

It was a bittersweet occasion because the two women were in the autumn of life and couldn’t afford to wait for their country to legalize same-sex marriage. “We just said, ‘We’re running out of time,’” Ms. Windsor told The Globe and Mail at the time.

Less than two years later, Ms. Spyer died. Her death and her Canadian marriage set off a chain of events that would make legal history and turn her widow into a historic figure of the movement for gay rights.

On Wednesday, the Supreme Court of the United States ruled in Ms. Windsor’s favour and quashed a key part of a federal law that denied benefits to same-sex married couples.

Her legal fight, case No. 12-307, United States of America v. Edith Schlain Windsor, looked at a paradoxical situation in which Ms. Windsor was boxed in after Ms. Spyer’s death.

Because New York State recognizes their Canadian marriage, Ms. Windsor was able to inherit Ms. Spyer’s estate.

However, under the Defense of Marriage Act DOMA of 1996, Ms. Windsor was not considered married under the eye of the U.S. federal government. Therefore she couldn’t claim the federal estate-tax exemption for surviving spouses and was hit with a $360,000 fiscal bill.

According to an affidavit she filed in court, Ms. Windsor grew up in Philadelphia and attended Temple University. In 1950, she married a classmate and family friend, an Army veteran named Saul Weiner.

“Although I had had the feeling that I was attracted to women, and not men, since I was a young girl … In the context of the homophobia that was so prevalent in the 1950s, I certainly did not want to be a ‘queer,’” she said in the sworn statement.

Within two years, they had divorced and she moved to New York to work on a master’s degree in mathematics. She got a computer job that involved programming for the U.S. Atomic Energy Commission and, on being questioned by the FBI, was terrified that being a lesbian would threaten her security clearance.

In an interview this spring with NPR, Ms. Windsor said that by 1962 she had grown tired of hiding her sexual orientation and asked a friend to take her “where the lesbians are.”

She was directed to the Portofino, a gay-friendly Greenwich Village restaurant where the thirtysomething divorcée first laid eyes on Ms. Spyer.

They left together to go to a party, where they danced together for so long that Ms. Windsor wore a hole through her stockings.

A clinical psychologist, Ms. Spyer had her own experience with discrimination. In the early 1950s, she was expelled from university when a campus security guard caught her kissing another woman, according to a court brief her widow filed.

In 1967, Ms. Windsor said in her NPR interview, the two women were returning from a drive in the country when Ms. Spyer got out of the car, got down on her knees and asked: “Edie Windsor, will you marry me?”

To avoid questions from co-workers, Ms. Spyer gave her fiancée a diamond brooch instead of a ring.

They moved in together, one working at IBM, the other having a private clinical-psychology practice. By 1977, Ms. Spyer was diagnosed with progressive multiple sclerosis.

Source: The Globe and Mail "Before the Supreme Court decision, there was just Edith and Thea"

珍惜當下 / Treasure the Moment

With her memory fading fast and cognitive capacity deteriorating irreversibly, my mother is now living in a seniors residence with 24/7 care.

I do my best to visit her everyday and treasure the moment with her more than ever, knowing that at some point, she might no longer know who I am.

只恨一水隔天涯, 不知相会在何時? / The Long Distance Feeling? A HK-Canada Relation that failed!

Here's a photo from the FaceBook page of my Alma Mater, the University of Alberta.

I remember going to the campus post office almost everyday hoping to receive mail from Hong Kong.
There was no Internet then. It took 7-10 days for an aerogram 航空郵柬 to go from Edmonton to Vancouver for transfer, then onto a plane to HK. Sea-mail 平郵 would take at least 21-30 days. Multiply that by two and that was how long one would get a return message.

For someone on student-visa, long distance phone calls were prohibitively expensive ~ CDN $3 per minute !

Needless to say, I was both home- and love-sick the first year.

往事只能回味 !!!!

《愛是神奇》 / To The Wonder

On Saturday night, K and I went to the Ottawa ByTowne Cinema and watched Terrence Malick's movie "To The Wonder". The story is existentially similar to "The Tree of Life" but not as sad. At the end of the movie, there was no applause from the audience, just a silent moment of reflection and perhaps a few sighs of relief that the movie was over.

If you like explosions and car-chases, don't bother to spend your money and time. But if you like beautiful cine-photography and enjoy abstract stories of the touchy feely type, you may want to go see it with your wondering cap on.

Related link: 生命樹 / The Tree of Life

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The following is from Wikipedia:

《愛是神奇》（英語：To the Wonder）是一齣2012年製作的美國愛情片。由《生命樹》導演泰倫斯·馬力克執導同時兼任編劇。電影於第69屆威尼斯電影節期間首映並參予競賽。主要演員有《ARGO–救參任務》導演兼男主角賓·艾佛力，《新鐵金剛之量子殺機》奧嘉·古莉寧高、《情迷午夜巴黎》女主角麗素·麥雅當絲及於《新鐵金剛：智破天凶城》飾演反派角色之查維爾·巴頓。

美國人尼爾(賓·艾佛力 飾)到法國旅行時遇上一名於巴黎生活的烏克蘭人單親母親瑪琳娜(奧嘉·古莉寧高 飾)。當兩人到法國的聖米歇爾山旅行時，兩人沉醉在他們的浪漫旅程，尼爾同時又對瑪琳娜作出了承諾，並帶瑪琳娜及瑪琳娜10歲女兒一同返家鄉俄克拉荷馬州生活。但他們到美國生活後的關係開始冷卻……

(Source: Wikipedia 《愛是神奇》)

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The following is from the Ottawa ByTowne Cinema website:

Just two years after The Tree Of Life – hardly more than an eye-blink in terms of his usual production-rate – Terrence Malick has returned with something which could be seen as a B-side or companion piece to that film. It is a bold and often beautiful movie, unfashionably and unironically concerned with love and God, and what will happen to us in the absence of either.

It is the story of a love affair doomed to failure, or at any rate doomed never quite to succeed. Ben Affleck is Neil, a stolid, handsome American engineer who has a passionate relationship in Paris with Marina (Olga Kurylenko), a sensual free spirit. Their love achieves an almost ecstatic state of happiness when they visit Mont Saint-Michel in Normandy and are all but overwhelmed by its islanded beauty. (‘We climbed the steps to the wonder,’ recalls Marina.) Easy-going, good-natured Neil gets on just fine with Marina’s 10-year-old daughter from a previous relationship and offers to bring them over to live with him in picket-fence middle America. But transplanted to the U.S., their relationship begins to go wrong and Neil becomes aware of a childhood friend, Jane (Rachel McAdams). In parallel with this, there is a priest, Father Quintana, played by Javier Bardem, whose consciousness begins to guide the movie in its American phase, and whose crisis of faith colours how we see the painful trial of Neil and Marina’s happiness.

The locals don’t know quite how to take Marina, but it is specifically Neil’s work that brings him into conflict with the community. He appears to be investigating soil subsidence and problems with the water table in the surrounding neighbourhood, issues that might affect the viability of the whole district. People nearby tell him he is making them nervous; one says that even the dog is behaving strangely. Despite the vivid gorgeousness that Malick discovers everywhere, there is a fundamental problem with the American soil itself – a real crisis of faith – and Neil and Marina’s existence is wilting. Malick may intend a visual rhyme with the earlier sequence at Mont Saint-Michel, in which the couple were running around in the squelching mud which seemed to ripple and bounce under their feet. There, the effect was playful and sensual, now the soil’s treachery is disturbing.

Marina’s visa can’t last for ever; a decision about marriage can’t be delayed as they both begin to doubt if America is really for them, and here is where Jane enters the story and Malick conjures a sublime sequence in which a kind of alternative-reality love affair is played out. Would a monogamous commitment be an affirmation of trust in God and in the mysterious beauty of life, which would generate its own success – or just be a terrible mistake?

– Peter Bradshaw, The Guardian

北國情懷 / Go North Young Man

K just helped S move his mattress and stuff out of the apartment.

His adventure up north will start tomorrow May 1, 2013.

Be safe, have fun, & keep in touch.

We shall miss you :)

Here are some songs from singer Sissel Kyrkjebø's album Northern Lights



Reference: Wikipedia / Sissel Kyrkjebo

Sissel Kyrkjebø (Norwegian pronunciation: [ˈsɪsəl ˈçʏʁçəˌbʷøː], /ˈsisel ˈçyrçeˌbø/; born 24 June 1969 in Bergen), also simply known as Sissel, is a Norwegian soprano. The first name 'Sissel' is a Norwegian variant of 'Cecilia'. This is a popular first name from Saint Cecilia, the patron saint of church music.

Sissel is considered one of the world's top crossover sopranos. Sissel's musical style runs the gamut from pop recordings and folk songs, to classical vocals and operatic arias.

She possesses a "crystalline" voice and wide vocal range, sweeping down from mezzo-soprano notes, in arias such as Mon cœur s'ouvre à ta voix from Saint-Saëns's opera Samson et Dalila, to the F natural above soprano C.

忘年夜泊虛幻船 擇日扶居安老院

上篇:   忘年夜泊虛幻船

高齡人仕骨頭脆弱，一跌受傷要入医院施手術，那就是麻煩事的開始。我母親兩年前下巴士時站穩，摔斷了左腿骨(left femur)，在医院和療養院(rehab) 住了4個月左右，她傷口復原回了家之後,，身心健康都打了個大折扣，腦智也從此走下坡。

看見她漸入困境旳情況，我做兒子的也實在很憂心。上星期幫助她的社區服務姑娘對我說，渥太華區的老人院供應求，我們要預早計劃，替她報名排隊，切不可等到發生事故才臨急臨忙找地方搬。

老媽子現在住的單位離唐人亍不遠，交通購物都非常方面，她和我過了身的父親在那住處相依為命多年，小小單位旳每個角落都是充滿了愛痕和回憶。無夸，母親已漸漸進入忘年境界，記憶很多時是模糊不清，和現實脫節，我就昰擔心她的日常起居飲食、人身安全，她遲早都是要放棄那單位。

無法了，人生旅程到了某一個地步，就像楓橋夜泊，夜半鐘聲是真是假，有沒有虛幻客船到埗，都還是未知之數。

第二篇:   擇日扶居安老院

世事無常，閣筆不久，母親又在家摔了一交受傷，之後社區姑娘替我打911，叫十字車送她入医院。我和K在emergency room ER/observation病房陪伴她11小時多，医院又和她驗血，做CT-scan及X-ray等。

翌日，她被移往acute monitoring吊鹽水，整天睡在床上。

晚飯時刻，在暮日与初夜青黃不接那一剎那間，她腦海潮退，時光倒流，回到做女時代，以為自己在酒店吃餐，嚷着要回娘家。『我要快d返屋企，阿細媽要埋舖鎖門，我d細佬等緊我㗎!!』我解釋無效，終於医生給了她一方鎮靜劑，讓她進入朦朧睡鄉，和已過世的細媽、弟弟等親戚重聚。

護士今天說: "I have to be honest with you. Many seniors who had bad falls often go downhill quickly. We can only hope your Mom will bounce back." 她不是黑心，只是打開天窗說亮話，希望我有一個心理準備，趕快計劃替老媽找24/7服務，擇日扶助她進入安老院。

攝影圖片:   暮冬的大風雪

情人節 / Valentine's Day Feb 14, 2013

K bought me this Valentine's Day cookie on Jan 26, 2013 and it was gone the very same day :O

Happy Valentine's Day <3 !!!

阿茲海默 腦退化症(前稱:老年痴呆症) / Senile dementia with Alzheimer's type

今天往藥房買了一些医生配的保腦丸給母親吃,希望延遲她進入「忘我」的境界。

其實,健忘病徵並不只限於高齡人仕,年紀較輕的間中也会忘記人名、地址、电話等。但患上了失憶症的長者,他/她们的記憶是有系統地慢慢消失,起先是腦袋不能夠維持短期資料記錄。例如: 医生叫病人緊記三樣東西: 手錶、鉛筆、間尺,跟著要他/她計一些加減數,之後叫病人回述那三樣東西是什么。

平常人通常都能应付這一系列叫 Mini-mental state exam (MMSE) 的記憶測驗,取得30滿分是沒有問題。但如果失憶症病情継續惡化,患者的MMSE分數会每年喪失3至4分,嚴重的不單只短期資料記錄会煙消云散,連長期記憶如熟悉親戚朋友的面孔也不会記得。

医生說我母親有失憶健忘症的先兆,病向淺中医,所以配了一些保腦藥品給她服用,希望她能在「忘年」的歲月,不会完全「忘我」。

Photo Credit:  I took the photo of this big tree in Dakar, Senegal in June 2012,

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Related info:

阿兹海默症

According to Wikipeida:  有失去記憶導致憂慮的症狀,就可能罹患了阿茲海默症，但必須經過醫師的智能測驗及腦部斷層掃描才能確定，以下是作為指標的智能量表。

階段	智能測驗說明	症狀說明	平均期間	退化程度
一	（ MMSE ：29-30）	正常	-	成人
二	（ MMSE ：29 ）	正常年齡之健忘，與年齡有關之記憶障礙（忘記東西放置的地方及某些字， 減少注意力）	-	成人
三	輕度神經認知功能障礙（ MMSE ：25 ）	降低從事複雜工作之能力及社會功能（例如：完成一件報告）	-	年輕之成人
四	輕度阿茲海默氏失智症（ MMSE ：20 ）	計算能力下降（100-7, 40-4），無法從事複雜活動（個人理財、料理三餐、上市場）， 注意力、計算及記憶障礙（近期為主）	2年	8 歲-青少年
五	中度阿茲海默氏失智症（ MMSE ：14 ）	計算能力明顯下降（20-2），失去選擇適當衣服及日常活動之能力，走路緩慢、退縮、容易流淚、妄想、躁動不安	1.5年	5-7 歲
六	中重度阿茲海默氏失智症（ MMSE ：5）	無法唸10-9-8-7……，需他人協助穿衣、洗澡及上廁所，大小便失禁，躁動不安，降低語言能力	2.5年	5-7 歲
七	重度阿茲海默氏失智症（ MMSE ：0）	需依賴他人持續照顧， 除叫喊外無語言能力、無法行走，行為問題減少，增加褥瘡、肺炎及四肢攣縮之可能性	MMSE從23（輕度）→0 約6年，每年約降3-4分，MMSE 到0後可平均再活2-3年	4 週-15 個月

Source: 阿兹海默症
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According to the Alzheimer's Association:   ".... Dementia is a general term for a decline in mental ability severe enough to interfere with daily life.  Memory loss is an example. Alzheimer's is the most common type of dementia.... 

While symptoms of dementia can vary greatly, at least two of the following core mental functions must be significantly impaired to be considered dementia:

• Memory
• Communication and language
• Ability to focus and pay attention
• Reasoning and judgment
• Visual perception

People with dementia may have problems with short-term memory, keeping track of a purse or wallet, paying bills, planning and preparing meals, remembering appointments or traveling out of the neighborhood. Many dementias are progressive, meaning symptoms start out slowly and gradually get worse.

Source:    http://www.alz.org/alzheimers_disease_steps_to_diagnosis.asp

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蛛絲馬跡 / Read Between the Lines

根據加拿大渥太華公民報 The Ottawa Citizen 20130110:

現任加拿大總理的妻子羅倫·哈珀在2012年尾賣出了全部她与丈夫聯名的股份,報導記者結論: 

" ...... It is unclear whether Laureen Harper simply saw last year’s rise in stock prices as a good time to cash in her portfolio or if the move was made in response to the Citizen story pointing out the apparent loophole in the ethics rules." 

不過,做市民的不可因總理妻子拋售股票,就蕭規曹隨,有樣學樣。因為除了股市上昇32%和利益衝突政策之外,可能亦有其它私人理由。

攝影图片: 拿大總理史提芬·約瑟夫·哈珀与伉儷羅倫·哈珀

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Prime minister’s wife sells off entire stock portfolio

By GLEN MCGREGOR, Ottawa Citizen January 10, 2013

According to an ethics disclosure filed in December, Stephen Harper’s wife, Laureen, has liquidated her stock market investments.

OTTAWA — An ethics disclosure filed by Prime Minister Stephen Harper shows that his wife Laureen liquidated her entire portfolio of stock market investments late last year. The prime minister last month amended a disclosure of assets and liabilities he had filed with Ethics Commissioner Mary Dawson and removed its reference to his wife’s investments. Previous versions of Harper’s MP disclosure said his wife held an “investment account with Raymond James Ltd. partly composed of publicly traded securities.” That line item was not found in an updated December 8 version of the document, which lists no other declarable assets.

“Mrs. Harper’s updated disclosure reflects the fact this account was liquidated,” explained Andrew MacDougall, Harper’s director of communications. MacDougall did not respond to a follow-up email asking why she had suddenly sold off her portfolio at a time when the economy is still recovering from a deep recession.

Unlike his apparently bearish wife, the prime minister has been an enthusiastic booster of Canadian equity markets, and once advised investors to increase their stake in public securities during the darkest days of the global economic downturn. “I think there are some great buying opportunities out there,” Harper said during a 2008 interview with the CBC. Since then, the TSX index has climbed by about 32 per cent.

Harper’s disclosure did not itemize the individual stocks his wife owned. The prime minister declared no stock investments of his own, suggesting that those made in his wife’s name may effectively be joint assets. The disclosure notes that the Harpers share a joint line of credit from the Bank of Nova Scotia. In October, the Prime Minister’s Office declined a Citizen request to provide a list of equities in Laureen Harper’s portfolio. The PMO also refused to say whether any of her stocks were among the resource sector companies that would be affected by her husband’s decision on foreign investments by China’s CNOOC and Malayasia’s Petronas.

Under federal ethics rules, cabinet ministers are required to either sell their shares in publicly-traded companies or place them in blind trusts while in office. But, as the Citizen reported, there is no such requirement for equities held in their spouses’ names. The specific contents of their stock portfolios are not revealed in the disclosures they sign as cabinet ministers or as MPs, and it is unclear if even the ethics commissioner knows which equities the spouses hold.

...... It is unclear whether Laureen Harper simply saw last year’s rise in stock prices as a good time to cash in her portfolio or if the move was made in response to the Citizen story pointing out the apparent loophole in the ethics rules. Under an agreement with ethics commissioner, Harper is required to step aside from any decision involving Talisman Energy, where his brother Grant works as an accountant.

http://www.ottawacitizen.com/news/Prime+minister+wife+sells+entire+stock+portfolio/7802376/story.html

眼淚的味道 / Tastes of Tears: Behind the Venetian Mask

教男孩不流淚

勇敢的人，你會覺得沒有恐懼

但在內心深處

情感偷偷藏在淵隙

發芽、等待

在最黑暗的時刻

獨自一人,你哭了

但假裝

那只是一個低沉的嘆息

親愛的小伙子

你忘了告訴我

能否辨別眼淚的味道

是快樂,還是悲哀？

Boys are taught not to shed tears

Brave men you will be to feel no fear

But deep in the abyss of your heart

Emotion has carved out a part

And in the darkest moment of the night

When nobody else is in sight

You know you have cried

Disguised by a muffled sigh

But can you tell the difference my dear lad

The tastes of your tears: happy and sad?

Photo credit: This photo was taken by Lotusandcedar on February 23, 2006 in San Marco, Venice, VN, IT, using an Olympus

在家賢婦,出外貴婦,床上蕩婦; 在家男僕,出外闊客,床上丈夫

新鮮人最近在網誌提到『一個抽煙卻很有味道的女人』，文章描寫得淋漓盡致,色、香、味俱全: “.... 胸口最上兩顆鈕永遠解開，黑色貼身長褲，腳上配黑色光得發亮二吋高跟鞋 ....”,正是: 徐娘半老,風韻猶存,讀後令人怦然心動,想入非非真,会為那些十九歲年青人的童貞擔心!!

從一個血氣方剛的男兒漢眼中來看,有濃厚女人味道,有男歡女愛經驗的 cougars 的确是会比一些乳臭未亁的丫頭來得較吸引。不過,有性感魅力的女人,未必就是一個男人的理想伴侶。還記得簡而清在天天日報提過「三婦」標凖: 『在家賢婦,出外貴婦,床上蕩婦。』但這個世界有又多少個謂標凖「十全十美」的女人呀?

再者,現代社会注重平等,假如男仕們有「在家、出外、床上」標凖,那么女人又沒有夢想男人的標凖呢? 例如: 「男僕、闊客、丈夫」?

哈!哈!我只是在胡言乱語罷,請不要受那些所謂「標準」影響您的心意啊!!

Link: 新鮮人: 煙消雲散: 吸煙的女人

Photo credit: Wikipedia / Jacob de Gheyn II - Neptune and Amphitrite

老人在家千日好 / Aging in Place

Photo (edited to protect privacy):
I took this pic of Mom at the Canadian War Memorial, across from Chateau Laurier, downtown Ottawa

有網友在上篇留言:
『好感人！但點解不是一起住！要每星期都有打電話和探望她老人家呢？』

我特別在此多謝留言,及回答如下:

說來話長　….

父母初移民來加是在我処住,主要目的是讓我幫助他/她們適应西方社会,儘量減少文化衝突所帶來的精神壓力。同住約一年後,父親說我這區離唐人亍太遠,購買中式物品不便,巴士站離家頗遠,冬天更是寒風溯溯,冰天雪地,令人裹足不前。他透過華僑老人会圈子,找到了一所近唐人亍的「柏文」(apartment),与母親在首都市中另起爐灶。

父母搬屋後的生活是頗為寫意,除了購物方便之外,与其他/她唐人交際应酬也容易很多。再者,我私下想想,父親一向都是非常獨立,現在他有了自己「地頭」,再不用寄人籬下, 不用看後軰眉頭眼額,喜歡嘛就在屋企「牛記笠記」,肚餓嘛就有老婆細心服侍,兩老納悶無聊之餘就往附近老人会找朋友飮茶、打牙較、遊車河,享受「香港式」的退休生活。

可惜,父親移民不滿十年就因病与世長辭,一向服侍和倚靠丈夫的老媽子暮年守寡, 孤苦伶仃一個人住在「柏文」,前途堪慮。当時,我也有打算搬她回我家住,但衡量她新寡後的精神打擊,和突然的生活轉變,要她遷離唐人朋友圈子實在不智。可幸,工餘膳後和週末假期,我都能抽身去照顧她老人家,母親亦從沒有提議要搬屋,離開与丈夫住了多個寒暑的老巢。過了幾年,她開始適应自己一個人單居,重溫婚前「做女」未嫁時的自由、獨立,生活漸漸走上正常規律,直至她在巴士出意外,摔倒跌斷了腿骨　!!!

『喂?你係XXX嗎?你阿媽係巴士跌倒,現在十字車到咗,你快d去公立医院急救室,我係個度等你!』噩耗轉來,我趕緊飛車往Civic Hospital Emergency Room　..... 四個月後,老媽終於出院回家。

經過此役, 母親身心健康大打折扣,在她出院前和後,我都有和家人、医生、護士、物理治療師、渥太華社工、老年癡呆症協會外勤員、街坊房屋協會協調員等討論,他/她們的專家意見是:　在她未完全失去基本獨立能力之前,应用Aging In Place 的概念,儘量讓老人在家安享餘年,延遲入院,減少生活環境轉變帶來的壓力。

母親自己也常对我說:　『入院d人好快就死!』

有鑑於她住処有社工及護士協助,而我処又離市中唐人亍遠,所以暫時來說,她留住在現址「長者柏文」老家是最好的選擇。

Reference: 請參讀  Aging In Place 

中秋節有感: 跪乳 反哺 / Mid-Autumn Festival: A Mother's Nurturing & Caring

年紀老邁的母親兩年前跌断了腿骨之後,不單止行動不便,腦根也退化了很多。我是她在楓葉國的直系後代,看到她開始不能照顧自己,当然要義不容辭,擔当起做兒子的責任,儘力幫助她的日常起居生活,和分擔她精神上的壓力。

雖然我每星期都有打电話和探望她老人家,但每次和她揮手道別,我總是有些悲從中來,暮日苦短的感慨。我明白每一個人都要經過生、老、病、死的階段,但看到自己母親漸受失憶症的蹂躝,心裏總是覺得不忍。

還記得多年前母親對我說: 『我地以前住係香港西環鴨巴甸街,我佗你嘅時候,行上行落斜路都唔知幾辛苦。你出世之後成日喊,很可能係因為居住環境唔好,一層舊楼住好多伙人,又迫又嘈,間板尾房空氣又差。我喂你食人奶大,你出牙仔之後,我煑爛飯仔餵你,我食一呾然後你食一呾o架!!』

記憶,就像被風捲的紅楓葉一樣,褪色、落地、殘碎。

昔日親戚朋友的面孔變得模糊不清,往事時空倒置如霧如煙。

当年她生我育我的兒時故事,被時間切得片片斷斷,在她瞳孔中隨風四散。

一個母親,在那艱貧惡劣的環境中,築巢哺乳,養子侍夫,擔当起做賢妻良母旳責任。

一個師奶,在啟德機場告別往加留學的兒子,心知他是會一去不回。

一個阿婆,在九七回歸前,淚灑香江,隨丈夫移民加國。

一個寡婦,在異域秋去冬來,黃昏暮日,与長子相依為命。

跪乳 ... 反哺。


註: 語出【增廣賢文】 『羊有跪乳之恩，鴉有反哺之義』

最普遍的老年癡呆症 (腦退化症) 阿茲海默病: (三) 無忘我 / Senile Dementia of the Alzheimer Type (SDAT) Part 3: Forget Me Not

Mom: "XXX is my husband's name."

Me: "What about him?"

Mom: "He is your father."

Me: "Of course I know. Why do you keep on repeating his name these days?"

Mom: "Lest I forget."

Photo: My Mom, whose memory is fading, was widowed abt 10 yrs ago.

Sent from BlackBerry

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Update :

後語:  人未遠去, 樓永不空  She is there with him.

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Related Links:  Previous articles posted on Lotusandcedar

(1) 最普遍的老年癡呆症(腦退化症): 人去楼空 / Senile Dementia of the Alzheimer Type (SDAT): He no longer lives here  

(2) 【最普遍的老年癡呆症(腦退化症):(一) 科學資料節錄 / Senile Dementia of theAlzheimer Type (SDAT): Part 1 "Scientific Perspective"】

(3) 最普遍的老年癡呆症(腦退化症): (二) 探索大腦之旅 /Senile Dementia of the Alzheimer Type (SDAT) Part 2 "Brain Tour"

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For more info:

(1) Wikipedia:  Alzheimer  阿茲海默病  

(2) Wikipedia: Dementia 失智症 / 腦退化症  

「可靠的男人」/ What Woman Wants from a Man

Below are my comments posted at Space's Apr 27, 2012 blog article "怎樣找可靠的女人":

阿寬所謂「可靠的男人」,對女人來說,似乎是:

* 一碗經濟實惠但沒味的白粥

* 一堵硬實可靠但極悶的磚牆

* 一條站不起來但柔軟的絲襪

女仕勿忘: 男人是分享人生的伴侶,不是「靠得住」的個人拐杖。

Reference:

* Mind Necessity: 四月六日香港明報副刋阿寬的《極度大男人》

四姑媽

生命留痕

這是一篇有關「順德自梳女」的故事

我在香港長大的時候,毎逢農曆新年,必隨父母到港九新界各処拜年,而在众親戚朋友中,「四姑媽」的「家」是我們必到之地。但她的「家」郤和別人的家不一樣,大部份人的家起碼都有枱有櫈,就算是住在鑽石山老虎岩徙置區,不大富有的刘伯伯也有地方招呼客人,而我也可以和他的兩個「星君仔」在公众浴室和團團轉的走廊玩耍。

但我「四姑媽」的「家」卻是比徙置區還差,她只是單人住在舊唐樓中一間狹窄陰暗的間板房,毎次我到埗就只有呆坐在她牀上,靠一盞從楼頂塵舊電線接釣下來發殘黄色光的弱燈膽,看看她掛在牀頭發霉古老十八代的黑白相,悶聴他/她們「大人」談一些不着邊際的家庭瑣碎事,真是令我這個坐立不定愛跳蹦蹦的小朋友吃盡「鬼佬月餅」(悶極)。

不過「四姑媽」對我還好,毎次總在牀下底抄這抄那,她沒有孩子,当然沒有「三毛流浪記」、「財叔殲日寇」、「孫悟空三打白骨精連環圖」等,但她毎次都能够在牀下底掏出一罐糖果零食,給我一些「甜頭」,好讓大人不用厭聽我嚷着要走的怨言。

但是有一農曆新年,我們没有去「四姑媽」家處拜年,父親説: 『你的「四姑媽」患上了癌病絶症,已在医院處在彌留之際。』我不知道燒菸葉是可導至肺癌。在那戰後年代,香港男人十個有九個吸香烟 (我爸也不例外), 但女人上癮卻不是常見之事。嬸母們説: 『壞女人才抽煙。』我倒不知道抽煙是不会影響男人,郤可導至女人變壊。

我是記得「四姑媽」在家時總是煙不離口,令那本來已是昏暗的間板房更添加煙霧迷漫,但我卻從没有將「四姑媽」和那些在尖沙咀或灣仔區,在酒巴風月場所穿開V低胸露乳做水兵生意的壞女人比較。反之, 「四姑媽」穿的是香港典型保守的「媽姐」工人裝,白衫黑褲,頭髪沒有像大都市女人的時髦吹電,她只有一條黑溜溜梳捲下的長辮子, 垂掛在她腦後,走動時黑辮子一左一右地在背後白衫投上影子擺動,刹是好看。

当我見「四姑媽」最後一面的時候,末期肺癌已把她的身體蹂躪到不似人形,她眼眶深陷,躺在医院病床上捱生痛,香港俗世有云:『相金先惠,格外留神』,沒有錢給職員「特別」小費的当然就只好受折磨,止痛劑來貨不定,時有時無,喊痛倒還会招來一頓臭罵。床上皮包骨的一個髑髅頭兒,睜眼看見有親戚探訪,勉強給了來人一個微笑。那次我沒有撒賴,没有納悶喊着要走。我想的只是一個穿白衫黑褲搖着辮子的「四姑媽」,在她家中的床下底找一把手的糖果給我吃。

後語: 根據我「七姑媽」説, 「四姑媽」昰在十一姊妹中唯一個「梳起唔嫁」。那時我只知「唔嫁」,但不明「梳起」是什麼意思。「四姑媽」死後沒有出喪殯禮,遺體由医院送往火化場。香港人講現實,彈丸之地,寸金尺土,又沒有後代除草打掃, 墳墓也不需要,一把火燒了罷! 又: 「四姑媽」去世時我還是小學生,所以這文章多是源自孩童記憶。

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Updated 20120327: Supplementary Information

"......「媽姐」三十年代興起

最近葉德嫻憑「桃姐」一角獲頒威尼斯影后，戲中的「桃姐」是一位媽姐，影片講述她跟少主人的感人關係。究竟「媽姐」是何許人也？收看ontv東方電視生活台電目《就係咁解》，答案自然一清二楚！想知道甚麼是「媽姐」？半夜扭開電視看粵語殘片，那些穿白衫黑褲的女傭，正是「媽姐」！原來「媽姐」二字是順德方言，意指自梳女。話說三十年代的中國，社會仍處於盲婚啞嫁的年代，很多女生聽了別人出嫁後的悲慘故事，因而對婚姻絕望，加上當時順德絲綢業發達，不少年輕女生都能在經濟上自力更生，於是決定梳起不嫁，後來受政局動盪影響，媽姐到香港或南洋打住家工成為潮流。雖然媽姐是傭人，但由於長時間和主人家相處，雙方關係絕非主僕咁簡單，甚至會視對方為親人呢！及至六、七十年代，香港社會日趨工業化，愈來愈多女性變了「工廠妹」，加上後來又有外傭輸入，媽姐行業才逐步走向式微。...."

Source: 撰文：鄭國河　網址：tv.on.cc 電子報

http://orientaldaily.on.cc/cnt/lifestyle/20110918/00315_007.html

～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～

"..... 順德人早期僑居外國，其原因主要有避禍、謀生與逃難幾種：

在出洋謀生的順德人中，有不少年輕女性，其中大部分是到東南亞國家。順德女性到東南亞國家謀生有著悠久的歷史。早在1886年，均安沙頭村的黃銀歡、黃潤金、黃就算 三位少女，聽說到新加坡做工雖然只得數元月薪，但也能積蓄支援家庭，於是結伴經香港乘船前往。那時，從香港乘船遠渡重洋到新加坡，需要半個多月的時間。幾個年輕女子，背井離鄉，遠別親人，隻身到異國他鄉生活，需要多大的勇氣和精神啊。

順德女性較大規模地出洋謀生，應該是在20世紀30年代。早在明朝中後期，自澳門成為中外貿易場所之後，以蠶桑產區著稱的順德也借著天時地利，發展成為廣東最大的蠶絲生產中心。20世紀初，順德的繅絲業發展到了一個鼎盛時期。全縣共有機器繅絲廠200家以上，繅絲工人6萬多人，超過同期上海（5萬人）和天津（不足5000人）的總和。繅絲工人以女工居多。她們憑藉著一門繅絲手藝自食其力，在經濟上逐漸從過去對父母和丈夫的單純依賴中獨立出來。經濟上的獨立，催生了婦女獨身主義思潮的抬頭，為順德自梳女的大量出現打下了基礎。

“自梳女”是明末清初出現于珠江三角洲地區的一種社會習俗，這種習俗在民初尤其盛行于德。過去女子出嫁，須由母親束髻。而立志不嫁者則履行一定的儀式自行束髻，謂之“自梳”。順德的“自梳女”，俗稱“姑婆”。“自梳”所履行的束髻儀式，通常在自梳女及不落家婦女聚居的“姑婆屋”舉行。順德是民初自梳女最多的地區，均安、容奇、桂洲等地都有大批的自梳女，她們採桑繅絲，自食其力，甚至養活家人。繅絲廠的女工有不少是自梳女，據記載，在順德繅絲業發展的鼎盛時期，繅絲廠的女工幾乎有80%是自梳女，由此可見自梳習俗在順德的盛行。

在20世紀30年代，受世界性經濟蕭條的影響，繅絲業開始衰落，蠶絲價格暴跌，順德絲業大受影響，大批繅絲女工失業，她們紛紛轉到廣州、香港、以及東南亞國家如新加坡、馬來西亞等地做家庭傭工，憑著順德人那一手出色的廚藝養活自己。這些家庭傭工中，有相當數量是“過埠婆”（即出洋謀生的“自梳女”）。光是到東南亞各地的自梳女就有二三千人之眾。僅均安沙頭鄉，前往新加坡的自梳女就逾百人。....."

Source:

For reference, please see my blog article "籍貫: 中國廣東省順德縣水藤鄕 / Place of Origin: Shunde, Province of Canton"

http://lotusandcedar.blogspot.com/2012/03/place-of-origin-shunde-province-of.html

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Related link to Mindnecessity's Mar 9, 2012 blog article 桃姐

http://mindnecessity.blogspot.ca/2012/03/lib.html

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三八國際婦女節: 悼女同事 / International Women's Day: In Memory of Co-worker

今天是三八國際婦女節,但不幸得很,卻是我一個舊女同事的出殯之日,她是在上星期自殺而死。

我和J私人交往不深,所以不知她自尋短見的動机原因,但記得大家做同事的時候,她臉上常掛上笑容,待人接物非常開朗有禮,從没有流露半點灰色人生的象徵。

但從友人口中得悉,某某不受歡迎男人,今天卻是不請自來,令死者家人大感不快。婦女節日也脱不出男女之間的關係?

在悼念儀式中,她的兒子回憶母親的一眉一貌,追索那有歡笑丶有天倫的快樂時光,但説不到一半,他已是淚流滿面,在場來賓不禁黯然神傷。

正如主持殯禮的牧師説: 逝者已爾,先人雖已大去,但後人將永遠懷念她他們,直到有一天大家在天國重會。

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Photo Credit:

* Wikipedia/International Women's Day: The mimosa (technically, the Silver Wattle) is the symbol of the celebrations of Women's day in Italy ....

情人節: 心變 變心

男人心、女人心其實都会隨年歳而變。

後生仔女個陣興合合,單料銅煲,一滾就熟。

男人結婚之後七年之癢,開始花心, 市橋蠟燭假細芯,枕邊人慢慢變了做黃臉婆。

女人結婚之後身懷六甲,身體變型,家務事業纒身,畏懼由一枝花變成爛茶渣。

到了中年,男人女人都面臨人生第一大危机,這邊普稱為mid-life crisis。

有些男人棄正室攪二奶,話要重振雄風,嫩插老花瓶。

有些女人踏入狼虎年華,媚眼俊少男,cougar looking for cubs。

心變啊!　變心啊!　既是如此,無怪現代男女離婚率這麼高!!

情人節: 白居易 長恨歌 / Valentine's Day Feb 14, 2012: Poems for Lovers

白居易 長恨歌

漢皇重色思傾國 御宇多年求不得

楊家有女初長成 養在深閨人未識

天生麗質難自棄 一朝選在君王側

回眸一笑百媚生 六宮粉黛無顏色

春寒賜浴華清池 溫泉水滑洗凝脂

侍兒扶起嬌無力 始是新承恩澤時

雲鬢花顏金步搖 芙蓉帳暖度春宵

春宵苦短日高起 從此君王不早朝

承歡侍宴無閑暇 春從春遊夜專夜

後宮佳麗三千人 三千寵愛在一身

金星妝成嬌侍夜 玉樓宴罷醉和春

姊妹弟兄皆列士 可憐光彩生門戶

遂令天下父母心 不重生男重生女

驪宮高處入青雲 仙樂風飄處處聞

緩歌慢舞凝絲竹 盡日君王看不足

漁陽鼙鼓動地來 驚破霓裳羽衣曲

九重城闕煙塵生 千乘萬騎西南行

翠華搖搖行復止 西出都門百餘里

六軍不發無奈何 宛轉蛾眉馬前死

花鈿委地無人收 翠翹金雀玉搔頭

君王掩面救不得 回看血淚相和流

黃埃散漫風蕭索 雲棧縈紆登劍閣

峨嵋山下少人行 旌旗無光日色薄

蜀江水碧蜀山青 聖主朝朝暮暮情

行宮見月傷心色 夜雨聞鈴腸斷聲

天旋地轉迴龍馭 到此躊躇不能去

馬嵬坡下泥土中 不見玉顏空死處

君臣相顧盡霑衣 東望都門信馬歸

歸來池苑皆依舊 太液芙蓉未央柳

芙蓉如面柳如眉 對此如何不淚垂

春風桃李花開日 秋雨梧桐葉落時

西宮南內多秋草 落葉滿階紅不掃

梨園子弟白髮新 椒房阿監青娥老

夕殿螢飛思悄然 孤燈挑盡未成眠

遲遲鐘鼓初長夜 耿耿星河欲曙天

鴛鴦瓦冷霜華重 翡翠衾寒誰與共

悠悠生死別經年 魂魄不曾來入夢

臨邛道士鴻都客 能以精誠致魂魄

為感君王輾轉思 遂教方士殷勤覓

排空馭氣奔如電 升天入地求之遍

上窮碧落下黃泉 兩處茫茫皆不見

忽聞海上有仙山 山在虛無縹緲間

樓閣玲瓏五雲起 其中綽約多仙子

中有一人字太真 雪膚花貌參差是

金闕西廂叩玉扃 轉教小玉報雙成

聞道漢家天子使 九華帳裡夢魂驚

攬衣推枕起徘徊 珠箔銀屏迤邐開

雲鬢半偏新睡覺 花冠不整下堂來

風吹仙袂飄飄舉 猶似霓裳羽衣舞

玉容寂寞淚闌干 梨花一枝春帶雨

含情凝睇謝君王 一別音容兩渺茫

昭陽殿裡恩愛絕 蓬萊宮中日月長

回頭下望人寰處 不見長安見塵霧

唯將舊物表深情 鈿合金釵寄將去

釵留一股合一扇 釵擘黃金合分鈿

但教心似金鈿堅 天上人間會相見

臨別殷勤重寄詞 詞中有誓兩心知

七月七日長生殿 夜半無人私語時

在天願作比翼鳥 在地願為連理枝

天長地久有時盡 此恨綿綿無絕期

____________________________

Supplementary / 附貼新詩兩首:

SBB:

天長地久有時盡
此恨綿綿無絕期
天若有情天亦老
月如無恨月長圓


微豆:

洞房花燭月圓夜
牡丹花好臉兒圓
無奈人心如月缺
勿望千里共嬋娟