Saturday, February 17, 2007

心眼 / In My Mind's Eye

我讀小學二、三年班的時候,就曾因為一個「自我」覌念,把自己煩過不了。当時我想解答的,就是一個很簡單的問題:『為什么我不能離開我自己身体,由別人眼中看這個世界呢?』我是想証實,以我為中心,以我眼看出去的世界,是不是和其他人看到的一樣呢?如果答案是肯定,那我的世界就不是空中樓閣,不是我「自我」主覌的產品,如答案是否定,那就大有問題了!!! 我就為這件事,煩了一段時期,我母親看見我悶悶不樂,愁眉不展,又不出去玩耍,就以為我生了病,有點憂心。我是天生內向的,当然不会把自己心事,和其他人談起來。不過好動的我,卻又不喜欢呆在家裡,過了一陣子,其他街坊小童要我去踏自行車、玩捉迷藏丶十字介豆腐丶抓子等遊戲,我也就把這想不通丶鑽牛角尖的問題擱置下來,和同年的小朋友,在街外玩個不見天日了。

When I was in Primary Two or Three, I went through a period of frustration with this concept of "self". My question was fairly simple: "Why couldn't I leave my own body and see the world through other people's eyes?" What I wanted to verify was whether the world as I saw it was identical to what other people would have seen, if I were them. If the answer was yes, then it would prove "my world" was not just a flick of my own imagination or a product of my mind's eye. However, if the answer was negative, then the "I" as I knew it then, would be in big trouble!! So for a while, I did not go play outside, my mind wondered in the quagmire, and I became quite unhappy over this irresolvable question, to the extent that my Mum thought I was falling ill. I was born an introvert and of course would not share any of my thoughts with anyone. However, being an active person, I just could not stand staying home for any extended period of time. Alas, when my neighborhood kids again came asking me whether I wanted to go bicycling, playing hide-and-seek, and other Chinese games with them, I decided to drop this cul du sec issue and ran outside with them into the sunshine.

10 comments:

Josefina said...

很有趣的分享。我小時候就常以為有攝影機偷拍我,正如"The Truman Show"裡一樣,小孩子的腦袋真的是充滿幻想力呢。

San Wen Ji said...

you are so mature in that age...it is a phil. question

xiao zhu said...

我們這邊剛踏入了豬年了,你那邊還有半天時間。預祝你豬年身體健康、心想事成!馬拉松賽能突破自己記錄!

微豆 said...

Josefina: 多謝那有趣的分享, 我有看“The Truman Show”,也很喜欢那劇情結構。是啊,孩子那段時期, 幻想力強,我們是在臺前做戲,還是在幕後扯線,世界所見的,是真還是假,現在回想,那時真是有點似在小飛俠Peter Pan的 Never Never Land裡。

微豆 said...

San Wen Ji: Perhaps it was more curiosity than maturity. Anyway, I gave up and went play outside. 前人說:『苦思無益,不如讀書』我就是:『苦思無益,不如去玩』哈!

微豆 said...

Xiao Zhu: 多謝了,大家都好啦!!金豬在中國每60年,或在韓國每600年才來探訪一次,是很特別的,或許会提議,今年賽事,不如叫「豬拉松」,hee hee another one of my lame jokes :)

Ruth Tam said...

So interesting!

vicky said...

I also have these questions, why my soul is in this body? why me is me? But i can't figure out.

微豆 said...

Ruth: It will be more interesting if someone can answer Vicky's two questions !!!

微豆 said...

Vicky: Good questions !!! When I have time, I may attempt to do a diagnostic on the concept of "self". Don't hold your breath though, as I have been quite busy lately. Cheers !!

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