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Upon learning that the half-marathon and 10k events had already been sold out two months before the Ottawa race week-end in May, I made the painful decision of committing myself to the full-marathon, despite my unsettling wounded-knee.
I register for the local race partly because the spring marathon in Ottawa has always occupied a special place in my heart. Back in the summer/fall/winter seasons of 2001 and 2002, I was training hard for my first Marathon. Unfortunately, unbeknown to everyone, the cancer in my father had relapsed and spread. In the weeks leading up to Marathon 2002, my life was in turmoil and the whole family was preoccupied with the rollercoaster rides of good and bad news. On April 1oth of 2002, the family finally concurred with the doctor to take life-support off my father. He was gone within an hour.
For the next 10 months or so, I was too busy to grieve. Then in the winter of 2003, I was running on top of Mount Royale in Montreal when all of a sudden the death of my father hit me and I burst out into tears. I was both caught by surprise and felt embrassed by the concerned looks from passers-by. Three months later, I ran my first marathon in Ottawa. Altho I have now done more than a dozen of these races, the memory of the first one in May of 2003 has always been bitter-sweet, because I was running that event for my father.
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歌頌母親的文字多，談父親的只記起這一篇：
朱自清 背影
我與父親不相見已有二年餘了，我最不能忘記的是他的背影。那年冬天，祖母死了，父親的差使也交卸了，正是禍不單行的日子，我從北京到徐州，打算跟著父親奔喪回家。到徐州見著父親，看見滿院狼籍的東西，又想起祖母，不禁簌簌地流下眼淚。
父親說，“事已如此，不必難過，好在天無絕人之路！”
回家變賣典質，父親還了虧空；又借錢辦了喪事。這些日子，家中光景很是慘淡，一半為了喪事，一半為了父親賦閒。喪事完畢，父親要到南京謀事，我也要回到北京唸書，我們便同行。
到南京時，有朋友約去遊逛，勾留了一日；第二日上午便須渡江到浦口，下午上車北去。父親因為事忙，本已說定不送我，叫旅館裏一個熟識的茶房陪我同去。他再三囑咐茶房，甚是仔細。但他終於不放心，怕茶房不妥貼；頗躊躇了一會。其實我那年已二十歲，北京已來往過兩三次，是沒有甚麼要緊的了。他躊躇了一會，終於決定還是自己送我去。我兩三回勸他不必去；他只說，“不要緊，他們去不好！”
我們過了江，進了車站。我買票，他忙著照看行李。行李太多了，得向腳夫行些小費，才可過去。他便又忙著和他們講價錢。我那時真是聰明過分，總覺他說話不大漂亮，非自己插嘴不可。但他終於講定了價錢；就送我上車。他給我揀定了靠車門的一張椅子；我將他給我做的紫毛大衣鋪好坐位。他囑我路上小心，夜裏要警醒些，不要受涼。又囑托茶房好好照應我。我心裏暗笑他的迂；他們只認得錢，托他們直是白托！而且我這樣大年紀的人，難道還不能料理自己麼？唉，我現在想想，那時真是太聰明了。
我說道，“爸爸，你走吧。”他往車外看了看，說，“我買幾個桔子去。你就在此地，不要走動。”我看那邊月台的柵欄外有幾個賣東西的等著顧客。走到那邊月台，須穿過鐵道，須跳下去又爬上去。父親是一個胖子，走過去自然要費事些。我本來要去的，他不肯，只好讓他去。我看見他戴著黑布小帽，穿著黑布大馬褂，深青布棉袍，蹣跚地走到鐵道邊，慢慢探身下去，尚不大難。可是他穿過鐵道，要爬上那邊月台，就不容易了。他用兩手攀著上面，兩腳再向上縮；他肥胖的身子向左微傾，顯出努力的樣子。這時我看見他的背影，我的淚很快地流下來了。我趕緊拭乾了淚，怕他看見，也怕別人看見。我再向外看時，他已抱了朱紅的桔子往回走了。過鐵道時，他先將桔子散放在地上，自己慢慢爬下，再抱起桔子走。到這邊時，我趕緊去攙他。他和我走到車上，將桔子一股腦兒放在我的皮大衣上。於是撲撲衣上的泥土，心裏很輕鬆似的，過一會說，“我走了，到那邊來信！”我望著他走出去。他走了幾步，回過頭看見我，說，“進去吧，裏邊沒人。”等他的背影混入來來往往的人裏，再找不著了，我便進來坐下，我的眼淚又來了。
近幾年來，父親和我都是東奔西走，家中光景是一日不如一日。他少年出外謀生，獨立支持，做了許多大事。哪知老境卻如此頹唐！他觸目傷懷，自然情不能自已。情鬱於中，自然要發之於外；家庭瑣屑便往往觸他之怒。他待我漸漸不同往日。但最近兩年不見，他終於忘卻我的不好，只是惦記著我，惦記著我的兒子。我北來後，他寫了一封信給我，信中說道，“我身體平安，惟膀子疼痛利害，舉箸提筆，諸多不便，大約大去之期不遠矣。”我讀到此處，在晶瑩的淚光中，又看見那肥胖的，青布棉袍，黑布馬褂的北影。唉！我不知何時再能與他相見！
1925年10月在北京
下月又是父親節了，現在多了微豆兄這篇，深情的談父親文章！
Space: Thank you SO MUCH for posting 朱自清 背影. The last time I read the article, I was still a teenager attending Form I or II. And, of course, the author's message was just completely over my head. I will re-read it on Father's Day in June. Thanks again !!
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