Posts
As a follow-up to my May 30, 2009 blog post "「五年之後 ...」 之【八卦文章】: The Five-year Commitments of Jon & Kate Plus 8", here are some more thoughts on commitments in the context of man-woman relationship.
The purpose of my last article is to stimulate discussions on making commitments. I try hard not to pass judgment on the good/bad of hard/soft commitments. The following two examples will illustrate my point:
(1) Hard Commitments
I am not against people parting ways if a relationship has become violent or abusive. In fact, the reluctance or inability of some battered spouses to leave their abusive partners is well analyzed and documented in numerous social studies and criminal prosecutions. In many cases, the spouse (usually a woman) is being held hostage because of her devoted commitments to the children and the relationship (or whatever is left). From an outsider's point of view, her hard commitment might have shackled herself to a sinking ship with little chance of survival.
(2) Soft Commitments
I have no issue with couples making soft commitments and living together as opposed to rushing into saying the marriage vow "Till death do us part". In fact, common-law relationship is becoming more and more common (no pun intended) and institutionalized ever since the enactment of Canadian laws to recognize and protect people's rights in the relationship, shared properties, children, etc.
Thus, there is nothing inherently good/bad about hard/soft commitments. My point is that people need to establish an understanding as to:
(a) Whether a commitment is hard, soft, or somewhere in betwn;
(b) Whether a commitment is the means to an end (e.g. happiness in life), or vice-versa;
(c) Whether a commitment is fair and transparent (Not all commitments are equal. In making a bacon omelette, the pig is more committed than the chicken. The latter is only "involved" in the relationship.)
(d) Whether the motive to commit is genuine and in good faith (as opposed to say 騎牛搵馬 and renege on a commitment when something/someone more attractive comes along; or in some cases, 騎牛得牛 and feel bitter getting stuck with an ox/cow).
There are no hard and fast rules about making commitments - only common sense, good judgment, and the foundation of mutual trust in a relationship.
(Photo Credit 攝影图片: My collection of masks / This one is from an artist living in Venice)
My other blog articles related to Jon & Kate plus 8:
* Jon and Kate plus 8: 十年的婚姻 / Jon & Kate Plus 8: Ten Years of Marriage http://lotusandcedar.blogspot.com/2009/06/jon-and-kate-plus-8-jon-kate-plus-8-ten.html
*「兩週一聚 (十五): 五年之後 ...」之【八卦文章】/ 「2weeks1gather (#15): Five Years Later ...」【The Five-year Commitments of Jon & Kate Plus 8】http://lotusandcedar.blogspot.com/2009/05/five-year-commitments-of-jon-kate-plus.html
Other Related Links: (for the romantics :)
* 畫家: 古斯塔夫 克林姆 / Artist: Gustav Klimt (Part 1 of 7) 吻 / Le Baiser http://lotusandcedar.blogspot.com/2007/01/artist-gustav-klimt_16.html
* 聽海 (四) / Beyond the Sea (4) http://lotusandcedar.blogspot.com/2007/09/beyond-sea-4.html
8 comments:
it is interesting to see the four points you posed, they all relate to "making" a commitment (ie common understanding and good faith when entering into a commitment), as opposed to after a commitment is made, how/if/when a hard/soft commitment is to be honoured. just because a person follows a), b), c) and d), it still doesn't guarantee commitment will be honoured. marriage is not really a "contract" that can be sued in court. the dissolution of a marriage is built upon a "no fault" system.
also personally, i don't think people in a common law relationship are necessarily less committed to those who have said the wedding vow, particularly in the province of quebec....
真巧我寫好的一篇，準備六四後登出，有提及：
『騎牛搵馬得隻豬！』
Best Actor: Thank you for your additional comments. Focusing on the front-end of making commitments will increase understanding and hopefully the chance of success. It will also make life easier when commitments are not fulfilled and might make the difference btwn a messy separation/divorce and a more amicable one. You are right in saying that there are little in ways of having any guaranty on emotional commitments. However, the laws does provide guidance in dealing with properties, children, etc as opposed to way back when women lost pretty well everything. I won't get into the details of Canada's Divorce Law as amended in 1986 (no fault after 1 yr of separation etc).
Best Actor: We are also in agreement with the acceptance of and commitments in common-law relationships.
Space兄: 又失牛,又無馬,得隻豬,是怎樣的一回事啦?六四後您開估!!
微豆,
I luv the mask..."man n woman talk" I am not good at it...was never good at it! So, I carry on my single life! ;)
啤酒花™_J:
The painting is actually a reproduced version of Gustav Klimt's "The Kiss". I don't know whether the man and woman actually talked. I suppose kissing and talking are equally easy/difficult, as it is an act of communication that depends so much on the people involved.
Post a Comment