風雨夜歸人: 工作過勞 / A Workaholic's Stormy Night: Burnt Out

I remember my father used to tell me: 『盡職守責, 問心無愧。』which translates roughly into English:“It is important to be able to face yourself in the mirror each morning, instead of hiding behind hypocrisy and half-truth.”As a teenager, I promptly dismissed his lecturing 教訓 as old fashion, nothing more than a feeble attempt to nag the blacksheep of the family, me. Of course, I would work hard. Of course, I would try my best .... well, most of the time, and well, only if I want to. Little did I know my Old Man「老豆」(as in 『竇燕山,有義方』) had actually succeeded in sowing the seed of Chinese work ethics and instilling in me a strong sense of responsibility, so much so that I turned into a workaholic (Father can never win!).

In the last six to seven years, I often worked late into the wee hours of the night without being asked, and when some people wanted to shift blame my way, I would actually "swallow" it. I often told colleagues that old joke: "I have a very responsible job here. If anything goes wrong, I am responsible." But seriously, I actually believed in "the buck stops here" at my level and refused to play office politics. Unfortunately, my holier-than-thou principle only exacerbated my workaholic tendency, until one dark, stormy night (cliché!), I found myself working past two o'clock in the morning and missing the last bus going home. That night was the longest and the most uncomfortable night in recent memory. I couldn't run home because of the storm. Thunders and lightning were cracking up and the sky was pouring wet. I was quite stuck in the stuffy office with no food and no drinks, exhausted, burnt out and had no place to sleep.

Well, I cannot blame my father for turning myself into a workaholic. I don't need to go to AA or rehab to understand that "the buck stops here" (hey even Amy Winehouse has started eating to gain weight, so there is hope for everyone). With my present assignment, I no longer work on weekends (okay, I confess, I bring files home but I don't open them). I am even able to restrain myself from reading email on my Blackberry during breaks at the opera house. Oh yes, I have come a long way to rediscover myself and to "get a life", a second life perhaps. My count-down has begun and by the end of this year, I will take a nice long break, to allow myself some time to rest, to reflect and to do things I always want to do but can never find the time.

It was a long stormy night.