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As a follow-up to my May 30, 2009 blog post "「五年之後 ...」 之【八卦文章】: The Five-year Commitments of Jon & Kate Plus 8", here are some more thoughts on commitments in the context of man-woman relationship.
The purpose of my last article is to stimulate discussions on making commitments. I try hard not to pass judgment on the good/bad of hard/soft commitments. The following two examples will illustrate my point:
(1) Hard Commitments
I am not against people parting ways if a relationship has become violent or abusive. In fact, the reluctance or inability of some battered spouses to leave their abusive partners is well analyzed and documented in numerous social studies and criminal prosecutions. In many cases, the spouse (usually a woman) is being held hostage because of her devoted commitments to the children and the relationship (or whatever is left). From an outsider's point of view, her hard commitment might have shackled herself to a sinking ship with little chance of survival.
(2) Soft Commitments
I have no issue with couples making soft commitments and living together as opposed to rushing into saying the marriage vow "Till death do us part". In fact, common-law relationship is becoming more and more common (no pun intended) and institutionalized ever since the enactment of Canadian laws to recognize and protect people's rights in the relationship, shared properties, children, etc.
Thus, there is nothing inherently good/bad about hard/soft commitments. My point is that people need to establish an understanding as to:
(a) Whether a commitment is hard, soft, or somewhere in betwn;
(b) Whether a commitment is the means to an end (e.g. happiness in life), or vice-versa;
(c) Whether a commitment is fair and transparent (Not all commitments are equal. In making a bacon omelette, the pig is more committed than the chicken. The latter is only "involved" in the relationship.)
(d) Whether the motive to commit is genuine and in good faith (as opposed to say 騎牛搵馬 and renege on a commitment when something/someone more attractive comes along; or in some cases, 騎牛得牛 and feel bitter getting stuck with an ox/cow).
There are no hard and fast rules about making commitments - only common sense, good judgment, and the foundation of mutual trust in a relationship.
(Photo Credit 攝影图片: My collection of masks / This one is from an artist living in Venice)
My other blog articles related to Jon & Kate plus 8:
* Jon and Kate plus 8: 十年的婚姻 / Jon & Kate Plus 8: Ten Years of Marriage http://lotusandcedar.blogspot.com/2009/06/jon-and-kate-plus-8-jon-kate-plus-8-ten.html
*「兩週一聚 (十五): 五年之後 ...」之【八卦文章】/ 「2weeks1gather (#15): Five Years Later ...」【The Five-year Commitments of Jon & Kate Plus 8】http://lotusandcedar.blogspot.com/2009/05/five-year-commitments-of-jon-kate-plus.html
Other Related Links: (for the romantics :)
* 畫家: 古斯塔夫 克林姆 / Artist: Gustav Klimt (Part 1 of 7) 吻 / Le Baiser http://lotusandcedar.blogspot.com/2007/01/artist-gustav-klimt_16.html
* 聽海 (四) / Beyond the Sea (4) http://lotusandcedar.blogspot.com/2007/09/beyond-sea-4.html
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